...What? Women like us don't... Find our dates at a crowded social event? Women like us aren't responsible for our punctuality? Women like us don't own cell phones, more like.
Diana: "I'd better get in. They called Queens some time ago..."
Who knows. Just who knows.
Nate: "Oh my God! I'm not even sure how we lost each other, but one minute I'm at this massive feast, the next I'm in this freaky psych ward, there was this nurse..."
Who is Sleep No More for? Nathaniel Archibald, that's who. But also, welcome to the funniest line of the entire episode:
Ivy: "Well, I'm glad you're safe."
Nate spots Diana, who is supposed to be in Paris, and is fully great as usual:
Nate: "Why don't you go find the witches? They're awesome."
So yeah, Ivy goes looking for the witches. These two motherfuckers. It's like if you split Serena into a boy and a girl, and they had to make do with just half of whatever she's working with.
Nate: "I thought you were in Paris!"
Diana: "I changed my mind and now we're on a date!"
Nate: "I am already on a date."
Diana: "Yeah, with Charlie Rhodes. I've been spying on you the whole time. You know she has a boyfriend."
Nate: "Fairly certain he was imaginary just so you wouldn't come after her."
Diana: "He is very real, and he is gorgeous, and last I heard, she felt he wasn't paying her enough attention, and she was trying to remedy that. Anyway, I won't bother you anymore. I just hope you're not part of that plan!"
Serena: "Rassinfrassin the one time I actually show up for something on time and the douchebag is nowhere to be seen. Serves me right for Being Places. I guess I'll just sit here on my stupid ass and miss this whole performance instead of utilizing my cellular mobile telephonic device or going inside. Guess that's what women like us do."
Your face, my Thane, is as a book where men / May read strange matters. To beguile the time, / Look like the time; bear welcome in your eye, / Your hand, your tongue; look like the innocent flower, / But be the serpent under't. He that's coming / Must be provided for; and you shall put / This night's great business into my dispatch, / Which shall to all our nights and days to come / Give solely sovereign sway and masterdom.
Blair locks herself in some kind of old-timey pub set, or apothecary or something, with Dorota on the outside looking in, and Chuck on the inside looking terrified. She commences doing some horrible, awful, sick-minded shit to him. It is pretty awesome.