Gossip Girl
The Big Sleep No More

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
When The Hurley-Burley's Done

WALDORF

Serena: "Why is it when you don't want Gossip Girl to post about you, she does constantly, and when you do, silence!"
Blair: "I share your frustration. The Chuck Bass Spotted page is broken. Not one blip. He's off the map. Wait."
Serena: "Wait, why are you looking for Chuck?"
Blair: "[Explains at length.]"
ibid., verbatim: "Chuck may be sponsoring a [Sleep No More] performance, but it's only because in the dark with his mask on, he is safe to reveal his true self."
Serena, verbatim, my emph.: "B. Whatever you're thinking, stop. Just work on your relationship with Louis, and let Chuck work on himself. Meanwhile, I'm gonna stay home and work on my blog."
Blair, verbatim: "Well, how hard can that be?"

Blair, alone or so she thinks, calls for a Sleep No More ticket so she can be awful some more. Dorota listens in and is very judgmental, or gassy.

SPECTATOR

Serena: "I'm not willing to sell myself or anyone else out to attract an audience. Like how we talked about six times last week, and I never actually comprehended the words coming out of your mouth, and thus have now forgotten that we already resolved this."
Diana: "Serena, once again I'm confounded by how you keep mixing up the simple act of blogging 250-500 words, about the most inconsequential shit imaginable, with the murder of innocents. I don't know where the fucking glitch is there."
Serena: "I've been trying so hard to get off Gossip Girl. Today I almost hurt an innocent stranger to make you happy."
Diana: "Call it what you want, but that's the stupidest thing you've said yet."
Serena: "It just didn't feel right!"
Diana: "Going to lunch with a chef is not blogging! Foisting your poor time management on other people is not blogging! What is wrong with you?"
Serena: "...And the worst part is, he actually seemed like a good guy, and now I'll probably never see him again."
Diana: "No, the worst part is that you may have a brain disorder, or else why do we keep having these full-on bizarre conversations about your fantasy-land ideas?"

Max: "Hey, did somebody mention me and then I just showed up right here in your offices? That's how this show works now."
Serena: "That's crazy! Max, we were just talking about you and then you showed up at random. Diana, this is Max, the young man I almost butchered on a bloody altar for you."
Diana: "Serena what the f... Fine, screw it. Hey, Max."
Max: "I'm just looking for my ex-girlfriend to give her her stuff back, and also interview with a chef, and also take Serena to coffee and hope that she doesn't end up giving me tainted coke or getting me eaten by wolves or kidnapped to Eastern Europe."
Diana, curiouser and curiouser: "I see that your name is Max, and therefore you must hold the key to Ivy's real personality because nobody else has ever been named Max before in a city full of a billion people. Therefore, I will invite you and Serena to go to Sleep No More."
Serena: "How come?"
Diana: "Don't worry about it, it won't make any sense when it happens anyway."

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