Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!

Jenny comes running in with her Dolce, but nobody cares because Hazel's house has been robbed of one Valentino original, from the same year as Jackie's lace wedding mini. Jenny's all OMG and Hazel is totally lush in a bizarre metallic toile print from the future. Nobody broke in: it was an inside job, and the maid is totally getting fired, and the police were called in, because as Elise explains, the thing was worth like fifteen grand. "My mother told Immaculata if she returned it they could work something out," Hazel says, and Penelope thinks this is unlikely. Jenny offers that it might randomly turn up somewhere, and Iz -- wearing an awesomely crazy patterned cape that makes her look like Watchmen -- is like, "Where the eff is she going to wear it anyway? She's a maid."

Meanwhile, Rufus is falling under Blair's "I'm so concerned about Jenny" spell, having remembered the part of the conversation where Jenny said she might not even be able to celebrate with the Bitches, and the thing about Blair is that she gets so much more shit done by being honest in a fucked-up way than most people do by lying. She explains to him in detail about how, with girls their age, the biggest struggle is friends v. family because you're trying to reconcile who you're becoming (Holly) with who you used to be (Lula Mae). "She's been running herself ragged, Mr. Humphrey. Straddling two worlds..." It is quite a thickness on which you are laying it when even Rufus notices, but so he does, reminding Blair rather pointedly that she's been straddling that for awhile, and spent the first half of the season halfway up Blair's ass because of it. B swallows, totally uninterested in turning back the hands of time, doesn't even acknowledge: "Well, it's no easier once you're in." Nicely played, Waldorf. He looks down and thinks, and she gives one last push: "She needs some relief." He promises to give Jenny just that, and Blair smiles terrifyingly. "Whatever I can do to help!" Oh, yes! She will help your daughter into the Hudson wearing concrete shoes, Rufus!

Jenny beats it back to Resurrection, totally interrupting Betty with her customers. Betty practically cackles a witch cackle and steps aside to talk to her. "I need to trade back, all right? You can keep the scarf and the shoes..." Betty's eyes go hard because apparently Jenny still doesn't get that she's not the fairy godmother, she's like this drug pusher of couture. "Honey I'm sorry, but that's not gonna be possible." She takes the Valentino off an armoire and lays it across the counter behind her. "You know when you leave here with an item, you're agreeing to its value. The Dolce sold at $1200, the Valentino -- heh heh -- is seven times that." Jenny babbles for a bit and Betty goes evil: "No. I'm sorry." Jenny points out it doesn't even have tags on it yet, and was hers mere hours ago, and Betty levels. "Look. It's not my fault that you don't know what a Valentino's worth." She stomps off away from the crazy child, but leaves the dress behind her.

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Gossip Girl




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