Jenny enters the loft still wearing the Valentino under her coat, and nearly barfs when the Bitches, Rufus and Blair -- holding a cake with Jenny's face on it, awesomely -- yell, "Surprise!" The whole place is decorated out to here with balloons and cutouts hanging from the ceiling and whatever, like she's eight. Jenny stutters her way through an acknowledgement of her father, the house, Blair's presence -- Blair grins freakily with a billion teeth -- and the fact that all the Bitches are now seeing her sad DUMBO loft, her shame about which poor Rufus finally notes and by which his soul is crushed, and takes off to go change. Worried, Rufus hands the cake over to B and follows his daughter. Left in the middle of the place, Iz goes, "I don't think she was surprised." Penelope, wearing an awesome purple toga, is like, "Also, WTF Blair is here?" Elise says this is a weird party, and Hazel suggests it's about time for its induction to the "Birthday Hall of Lame," apparently showing once again how clever she is, and thus deserves to be the new Queen Bee. Blair about dies of pleasure, licking a bit of icing from her fingers, as Iz complains about how "the guy on the phone" referred to it as a "loft party," which caused her to picture something completely different. Penelope whines that they were tricked: "Mint mojitos at Socialista -- mint Milanos with Jenny's dad." Penelope should totally be the leader. They talk about how Rufus is totally hot, but still a dad, and Hazel whispers, "How long do we have to stay?" And just then, old Blair comes out with a tray of Rice Krispie Treats, rubbing their faces in the awfulness with the wickedest of glee. Win.
Dan and Serena cuddle like homeless people in the courtyard of the Palace, drinking hot chocolate. He bitches at her about telling the story of how mad Bart was about the imaginary Chuck agenda, and finally she apologizes for having actual occurrences in her life. He whines about how he wanted to tell her about seeing his stupid mom for the first time since Christmas, then realizes that there's no story there because what, he wrote a poem about it or some shit, and then segues into some dumb non-story about his grandma in the old folks' home ("Two women, a sponge bath, and a bedpan," okay, like thanks for sharing) and Serena's like, "How about we just ... cuddle together, the two of us."
"Plus Nate?" says Dan, confusing Serena for a second, but then Nate walks up and asks to speak with Dan. Everybody makes concerned faces and privately, Nate explains about the eight grand and how Jenny wouldn't tell him what was going on. Because Dan is a very good brother, he almost dies right there. It's so funny because I think Jenny is pretty worthless, if very realistic, but the only time I really love Dan is when he's worried about or trying to help Jenny. Two lefts sometimes make a right, I guess.