Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!

So what's going on in DUMBO is truly awful, to be honest. Jenny's line readings are still variable, but emotionally she's all there. It's pretty rough. Like, picture Little J trying desperately to get the dress off herself, like it's on fire, while trying to get the big fumbling Rufus out of her room so she can freak out alone, and the whole time he's like, "Just tell me what's up," and her voice is climbing octaves trying to get him out of there, okay, and he's wondering if she's upset about the party, and she's like, "Anything to not have a discussion with you right now because this dress is on fire," and it's so awful and awkward, and the dress is stuck, and finally she's all, "Just help me, okay? Help me get it off! No! Hurry up!" and he's like, "I need pliers," and finally all the Bitches knock and come in to get their wraps and get the hell out of this awful party, and she grabs Blair's coat and holds it up with all the efficacy of hiding behind a ficus tree, and everything slows down to a crawl, and the pig blood just splashing all over the fucking place, and everybody stares at the dress on fire, and Jenny starts lying about how she bought it at Resurrection, which they all agree is kind of a largish coincidence, even though that part is technically true.

Blair is, of course, having a Godiva orgasm in the middle of this, because she just wanted to show the Bitches where Jenny lives, and so this whole dress-on-fire debacle is just the icing on the Jenny Face Cake. Jenny keeps lying, and big old Rufus is still in the middle of it asking if they're calling his daughter a liar, and there's a lot of movement, and then Blair takes center stage, and excuses herself brightly. "Well. ...This feels private, so ... I'm gonna head out now. I have a table at Butter. Reservation's under Waldorf, in case there's an afterparty." And she snatches her coat out of Jenny's arms sweetly and vanishes. The grossed-out Bitches follow, and Elise has the balls to give Jenny a sad parting look. I wonder how much of this Elise even followed, frankly. "Spotted: Jenny in a red dress, with the red hands to match. Looks like Utter Disgrace is the name on the label..."

Later on, it's time for a patented Humphrey Processing Session, but Jenny's not feeling it. She explains to Rufus that Blair totally played him, and he's like, "Except for how everything she said was true, like how you're freaking out because you don't think those girls will accept you, and that you ought to be less ashamed of who you are, and stop apologizing for your life." He finally demands to know where the dress came from, knowing that she didn't make it herself because her sewing machine is gone. "I sold my sewing machine, okay? Yeah. And a lamp, and some jewelry." Rufus is mystified because back in the '90s being poor and gross was cool. "Dad, you think that you can just send me off to school with a plaid skirt and a Metrocard, and everything will be okay." He takes a stand and refuses to apologize for not having a private plane, because he's still not getting it, so she tries again. "You think I'm ashamed of where I come from? No, Dad, what I'm ashamed of is having to bring a brown-bag lunch to school, and you know, eat it in the bathroom, and then go out with my friends and pretend that I'm not hungry when I go to lunch with them."

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Gossip Girl




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