Eric hands her a small envelope, which Chuck received for her this morning, and thought Serena wouldn't want to open away from their parents, just in case. "Why didn't he bring it to me himself?" Because you won't stop calling him the devil? She pulls out a pretty large amount of coke, which Eric eventually figures out, and Serena storms off upstairs, all, "How do you like a brother who uses you as a drug mule?"
Okay, and even though there's a scene or two between now and then, I want you to think hard about this. Eric just drove up from hanging out with Chuck elsewhere. So Serena is going to stomp upstairs to yell at Chuck. Stomping directly upstairs, from the very courtyard she has been sitting in, now, for hours. And not only is he going to be there, but despite having just spent four hours elsewhere he's going to have been there all along, paying the price for the tattling of Serena this morning. What I am saying is that either Chuck Bass is magic, or Chuck Bass is twins ... or this is the greatest television show ever made. Your call.
Dan enters the loft and looks at the sad deco, which Rufus is sadly gathering up, and asks who it is that must have turned twelve, and Rufus nearly bursts into tears about how horrible the night was, and Dan quietly -- wonderfully -- gets serious. "Dad, what happened?" He goes in and sits on Jenny's bed, murmuring softly to her and asking about the $8000. She's like, "Ugh, this night will not end." And because Dan cannot contractually keep up the nice act for more than six seconds, he explains that Nate only blew her spot because he was worried she was turning into "some hideous Upper East Side cyborg," just kidding, that was actually Dan. She gives him a pity laugh and levels with him that she just got in over her head. And actually she did have a plan that didn't even occur to me: she was going to trade the dresses, wear the Dolce for her birthday, and then switch everything back, so it was more stealy-borrowing than stealy-stealing. She stares into the infinite melancholy long enough that Dan gets worried and decides that they need to go get ice cream. "Jen. You have so much more to offer than the things that those girls have, really. You've got so much more to bring to the table. You just need to find a way to believe that." He leaves, and she thinks about that, and comes to the conclusion that yes, she does have more to offer than those girls, but I don't think she's thinking of what Dan is thinking of. Well, maybe. Because what she's thinking about is Nate's ass, and how she can offer it to Penelope. Does she even know his dad also used to make him turn tricks? That is too funny. Well. "Funny."