Dan and Serena make out on her bed at the Bass house, saying pointless love things, and she tells him how clean he smells, and he bitches about how she already told him the Chuck shower story from that morning, so she just makes out with him some more, because God forbid. Chuck knocks on the door after awhile, and greets Dan, who asks Chuck how he is. "Excellent," he says, and "enjoying having family around." Serena, exasperated and unaware of the whole "best man" thing, tells him to get it over with and say his pervy thing and go away. Chuck is wearing, by the way, the most awesome blue suit, a baby blue bowtie, and a pink patterned pocket square, and looks amazing. Chuck says formally and sweetly, "The wedding caterer is presenting a tasting to the family. I was coming call you to dinner." Dan gets ready to leave, but Chuck just nods kindly: "No need. Already asked the staff to set a place for you." He takes off, having totally wigged them both out, and they stare blankly at each other.
Later, they're eating rich stuff and saying rich things, and Dan is mispronouncing things and trying too hard as usual, but everybody's being nice about it, and then a package arrives for Serena. She asks Dan if she needs to refrigerate whatever it is, and he admits it's not from him. Lily begs Serena not to put her "dirty package" on the table, and Chuck says quietly, "If I had a dime ..." Bart tells him to knock it off, and Serena opens the box. "Porn and handcuffs? Really?" Lily gives a great tipsy "oh my" and Dan's amazed. "This is low, Chuck, even for you." She takes off and Chuck protests that he didn't send it. Dan excuses himself to deal with the horrified Serena, and Lily asks him to dispose of the box, and he stammers about how it would be his pleasure, but not like that, but he's going to throw it away, because it's trash, and the whole time Lily's just staring at him, because it has got to take some energy to always be spazzing out like he does.
Later, GG spots Blair Waldorf sitting at Butter. All alone, of course. The waitress asks if perhaps Blair is willing to admit that her friends aren't coming, because she doesn't know jack about Blair. Meanwhile, the Bitches are laughing wildly at Hazel's house. Elise is painting a vivid picture of how Blair's probably looking up all excited every time somebody walks in, but it's never them. Penelope, hilariously and seriously, intones "Not going to Butter is much better than going to Butter." Hazel comes in wearing a ridiculous gown that makes her look like the madam at a midget whorehouse, and everybody oohs and ahhs, and the conversation turns to Jenny's birthday outfit. Jenny says she's still deciding between the two dresses, but mistakenly says they're at Bergdorf and not Bendel's. Her dad calls just in the nick of time while they discuss how Isabel will not be wearing any of her numerous black Chanels, because she never wears the same thing twice, like her mom taught her. So Kati was Jewish and Isabel's mom is Imelda Marcos. We are learning so much fake stuff!