Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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OMFG!

Jenny is, by the way, wearing a totally cute purplish halter dress and her hair looks amazing. Rufus doesn't bitch at her for missing dinner, but does want to discuss her birthday plans. She tells him she wants to do something with her friends, but segues into bitching about how she doesn't have anything to wear beyond two imaginary dresses at some store she can't remember, and he's like, "Whatever, we'll hang out later." She's working her way deeper into the house as they chat, and finally just rings off altogether, staring at Hazel's mom's giant closet full of clothes and shoes and whatever. The camera pans all the way around, and Jenny apparently has a full psychotic break.

At Butter, the waitress tells Blair that she's so pathetic the drink is on the house. Blair thinks for a second about mischief, and grins and orders another bellini, the seared squab, and a busperson to separate the tables, and the waitress gives a bitchy "'Kay" and takes off. Blair rings information -- "Brooklyn. I think that's in New York?" -- and GG is like, "One may be the loneliest number, but sometimes only the lonely can play. Wake up, Little Jenny. The bitch is back." So neither GG nor Blair really knows what she's going to do exactly, but they are both overjoyed that she's doing something. And it's Blair, so you know it's going to be amazing.

Jenny meets Betty the Old Consignment Witch next morning as she's opening up the store, and says she found something in the back of her closet. "You want to go with cash again, or do you want to buy your sewing machine back?" Jenny says neither, and points to a glittery gold and silver Dolce on a dress form behind the counter. "Honey, this is $1200," Betty says, but then pulls out the gorgeous red Valentino from Jenny's bag and stares at it with a sneaky smile. "Well, this one's... quite lovely." Jenny agrees, but says the Dolce is more her color. Betty can't even hear her talking because the dollar signs in her creepy witch eyes are like, "Have you tried eating part of my consignment store? It's totally made of candy."

In the limo with Bart, Chuck is falling ever more perilously in love with both his Best Man status and the concept of having a cute little gay brother like Eric. "I say we take the jet to Croatia, where young Eric here can exploit the lesser age of consent..." Eric's mind is blown that he's even invited to the bachelor party, and Chuck is awesome: "Brother, please." Then, he says, they'll head to Monte Carlo for cards at Metropol, and watch the sun come up over the pyramids of Giza. Jeez, no wonder Bart wants him to be the best man. "Then I think a unicorn ride on the golden fields of the sun, followed by time travel back to the decadent vomitoria of ancient Rome." He asks Bart what he thinks about this admittedly amazing whirlwind party, but Bart's more interested in porn and handcuffs. Eric giggles nervously and takes off, leaving Chuck alone with his father. "You almost ruined things between me and Lily once before. I'm not gonna let that happen again." Chuck's sad and honestly confused, but swears he didn't send the package. "And quite frankly, her violated Virgin Mary act is getting pretty old."

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Gossip Girl

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