Over shots of the usual NYC summer fun -- water hydrants, ice cream, being outdoors when you should not be outdoors, Al Gore applying SPF a billion -- GG offers some "simple tips to beat the heat." Parasols, fanning of oneself, etc. "One: drink plenty of fluids." Chuck Bass slurps down straight scotch. "Two: stay out of the sun." Jenny wrestles bolts of fabric and her purse down the sidewalk, apologizing to all and sundry. "Three: Limit all physical activity..." Dan and Serena make out in a doorway. "...That is, within reason." Blair drags Lord Marcus through her house, trying to make out all over him. "I thought you wanted my help with this party you're hosting," Marcus whines. "A back-to-school party for seniors and their parents? It can wait." Marcus isn't sure he agrees -- and what if somebody walks in, like Dorota? "So? Didn't you see Atonement? That scene in the library when they're discovered?" It was hot. Lord Marcus hates hot. "No. No, Blair, that's not you. You're a delicate little flower. Nothing like that tart Keira Knightley."
All of this is news to Blair, who thinks of herself as quite Continental, not to mention being bored of riding bikes and skipping gaily through sun-dappled parks. It's time to get down: "It's just, we've been dating a while, and I thought..." Marcus lies that he feels the same way. "You're very special to me. I want the moment to equal it." He kisses her forehead, and just in case you thought this wasn't a British issue, he immediately and awkwardly protests that the tea is getting cold. He scampers off, and Blair stares after him like he's a bewildering turkey leg hallucination; Gossip Girl is loving it. "And if the heat's still too much, there's always a cold shower."
Jenny grunts and groans and picks shit up off the sidewalk while talking to Vanessa about Nate and his whole push-me-pull-you issue. "What was I saying? Oh, right, right: You like him, he likes you, so just call him." You know who I'm going to call to get relationship advice from before I go running to Jenny -- or anybody surnamed "Humphrey"? Literally everybody in the whole world. I would get Kim Jong Il's dating input first. I would also follow it first.
Vanessa points out that Nate stood her up, and Jenny applies some Humphrey logic to the situation: "He just made you wait a really long time and then called to cancel! That's completely different." I'm starting to see how Jenny could have dated that gay dude for so long without noticing what was up. "And besides, he only did that to spare you his family drama, which is just more proof that he likes you." Or, you know, finds you as pointless and unnecessary as everybody else in the world does. "And calling him won't look desperate?" Because, and I hate to keep harping on this, nobody knows how to avoid the appearance of desperation quite like a Humphrey. Case in point: "It might. It will. It will, but in a cute, romantic way."