(Where the fuck did we, as a people, get the idea that climbing up on the coffee cart and declaring our undying love for people was a good idea? It's the stupidest, most solipsistic thing I can think of. I mean, romantic gestures are one thing, but if you're trying to answer a complicated question like this, I can't think of anything more pointless. If you honestly don't know how somebody feels about you, take a moment to remember that actually you totally do, and proceed accordingly. There's nothing grosser to me than taking something as beautiful and private as love and turning it into performance like that. "Until just this second, my feelings for you were actually about you, but watch! Boom, now they're all about me! Look at me, everybody! I'm going to publicly shame the object of my affection! It's a sign of respect!" Anything you get out of this transaction, you could have gotten to begin with by being straightforward. "Just tell him how you feel" is shorthand for, "I get that you feel powerless because he's not giving you the answer you want, so if you just act insane and make a spectacle of yourself, maybe that'll work. And if not -- and that's a tiny, tiny if -- well, at least you'll have severed any chance of meaningful contact with him moving forward. You'll either be his new girlfriend, or that crazy cart-climbing stalker that he avoids in the hallway, but at least you'll be somebody!")

Oh the glasses and their clinking at this party! Lord Marcus brings the Duchess of Beaton a cocktail, Blair explains to Nelly Yuki (NELLY YUKI!) that his "ancestral home" is next to Balmoral, and at some point Prince Harry ran naked across their lawn. Each year you go back that this could have happened, this story goes from being one kind of thing to completely some other kind of thing, but man, I personally translate Nelly Yuki's shrill scream of delight as an imminently sensible "Prince Harry can run naked across my lawn any old time." Harry is so the new Wills. Later, Penelope asks Blair if she's actually giving up on Yale, which she's obsessed about since she was a little girl. "I know, but Marcus keeps begging me to consider Oxford..." Chuck appears out of nowhere and decries Blair's "wasted potential." Penelope scatters, because she is Chuck and Blair's daughter from the future and if they're all in the same place at the same time, they'll figure it out and reject her and then she'll never become heir to the Phoenix Force and hunt her fellow mutants in a future dystopian wasteland. Blair asks what Chuck's on about, and of course he gets all rapey immediately. Thank God.