He nods, they touch melons intimately, the magical Humphriana music happens so you know this is supposed to be a positive moral choice and not the total death blow to his family and lifestyle that it actually is, and he goes off to dump the MILF. She's like, "I'll be here until you get back," and instead of snorting and being like, "For many reasons, number one being that you can't leave this house right now and number two being that you are a total stalker as a way of life," he kisses her hand. Oh, Nate. I put up with mountains of shit for loving him so much but it's like... He's not the kind of guy you want to date, but it would be nice if he was in love with you and being all annoying about it all the time and kissing your hand and being a boring but standup kind of guy and climbing up on coffee carts and whatnot. Which is also what makes him a very good friend, because right now he's totally drowning in just absolutely fantastical bullshit, but all he's worried about is making sure Vanessa, Anne Archibald, Chuck -- even the Captain -- don't have a bad day. That's all he's got. It's a lot.

That PA with his spritzer of fictional sweat has, once again, gone completely insane on everybody. The entire cast is moister than Leo in Romeo + Juliet at this point. Marcus is doing something lordly on the phone when B runs up and attempts to eat his face; he responds by weakly mentioning that he's on with the building manager, and she's like, "I need you." She kisses him all hardcore again and he's not getting it. "What? Has something happened? Everyone seems quite calm." Um yeah something happened, your mom just instilled my clitoris with a sense of mortality. She attempts to climb him and he's all, "Get off me! We are Hosts." Which normally would snap her out of it, and good on him for knowing that, but the poor thing's got the Black Snake Moan! Only the lukewarm attentions of a disinterested toff will satisfy! "MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE!" the sex-crazed demon in Blair's adorable party dress screams as her hair comes alive, crawling with sparks and flames and lighting up the night. Lord Marcus's junk is, frankly, terrified.