Blair does not care! Blair is On Fire to a Springsteenian degree! Someone took a dull baby knife and cut a six-inch valley through the middle of her soul! It was the perverse Tantric sex magics of Chuck Bass and the total Nate-fucking desperation of the Duchess of Beaton that did that! She's been bitten by the tarantula of love! It is time! Blair is a good liar because she never knows when she is lying or when she is telling the truth because she believes the version of reality she has committed to absolutely which is why she's such a success most of the time! This is one of those times where that is happening! MAKE HER FEEL ALIVE! There is a vigorous hardcore porno about to explode all over your life if you are man enough to accept it! SHUT UP AND COME TO MY BEDROOM says the Blair creature (while the actual Blair is like, "OMG the things I do to prove I'm in control suddenly involve pretending to be completely out of control on a level I can't even consciously control," which is what it's like to be a grown up, only all the time) and runs off. And while Lord Marcus is getting the vapors and wishing he had a hot water bottle and a down comforter right about now, it's Chuck who chases after her. And not by his nose, either. "Looks like Lady B is determined to have it all. Question is, who with?"

Vanessa, no doubt going through every nook and cranny of the random library or dining room or library or swimming pool or wherever Nate left her, assumes that it's Nate returning when the door snaps shut in the darkness. But no: it's Catherine. "Actually, I was looking for him myself." And you know, it's a sign of respect that I really appreciate actually, that this is an act break. It's not Dan/Serena finally fucking tearing each other limb from limb, it's not Blair tying Marcus to the bedpost or finally getting that threesome she deserves, or Jenny becoming Eleanor's favorite daughter or Rufus cutting Lily's name into his skin over and over in the dark, but just this: Vanessa, being smarter and stronger than anybody ever was, in the dark, with an adulterous MILF who's, frankly, nearly respectable at this point. The two least-talked-about characters, Vanessa and Nate, totally own this episode, and I like how the episode is just going to pretend we care. That's sweet. And it kind of... makes you care.