Rufus enters the DUMBO loft, where of course Vanessa's cat burglar ass is sitting at the counter being morose and unnecessary in the greater scheme of things. They chat and Rufus asks, awesomely, if Dan's "still reading one of those Dan-and-Serena-Should-They-Or-Shouldn't-They threads," and she's like, "Yes. Still." Rufus asks V why she's being maudlin this time and she hands him the "I am underappreciated" monologue she usually gives Nate and/or Jenny, basically verbatim from the teaser, and before Rufus can look her right in the eye and say, "Nobody is ever going to care," Dan comes in and Rufus, saved by the dolt and knowing that he shared his self-Googling DNA with the next generation, is like, "What does the internet think about you right now?" Well, that's hilarious on many levels, but props to Dan for reporting honestly: "Turns out most people think I'm an ass, but a passionate minority holds I'm just an idiot." While the entire world agrees that you're a lot easier to take shirtless.
V lies and says that Nate will be along eventually, and Rufus offers to escort Dan to the party, because what's more unwelcome than Rufus Humphrey at a St. Jude's function at stately Waldorf Mansion? "Humphrey? Of the Hudson River Trailer Park Humphreys? You donated that urinal on the third floor, right?" Dan begs off, noting that things are "awkward enough" without adding an additional Humphrey to the equation, and Rufus says he's not necessarily the third wheel that he seems to be. "I can bring a date!" Dan laughs and admits that Rufus dating is "just within the gates" of the "realm of possibility." (Nice simile. How's that novel coming?) Rufus says one day he just might surprise you, and he and Vanessa share a glance completely devoid of any import unless you're gross inside, and Rufus props his chin on his hand and looks at Vanessa. As usual, the more boyish- and/or retarded-looking Rufus's pose, the cuter and more dashing he gets. "You know, if you really like this guy, you should call him. Tell him how you feel." Instead of pointing out that, now that he's repeated Jenny's dialogue from twenty minutes ago verbatim, her life has become one endless episode of Scooby Doo with that same vase racing past over and over and over again, she admits she's tempted by this "mature" (overdramatic, oblivious, completely self-involved) response. "Or if you're looking for something immature, you could tell him you left the phone in the gallery and never got the message. I've seen you be very forgetful..."