Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Hareton Earnshaw Will Have His Revenge!

"I just hope it's worth it," Nate says, speaking vaguely from his moral upper hand (given that he doesn't know what the plan is, because as usual there is no plan but for mayhem) and once again reproducing an earlier scene (the time he pulled ethical rank on Jenny for the yogurt incident) and once again this causes the girl to question herself for all of five seconds before shrugging it off, because what, it's Nate, he just doesn't register. Catherine grabs Nate away from B and threateningly/sweetly notes how long it's been since they last spoke. Nate bitches at Catherine for using his friends for "some power play" to prove she's the one in control. I adore, absolutely adore, how at no point in the episode does anybody, including the perps themselves, ever figure out the actual evil plan here. Every single person involved in this is like, "...And then bad shit happens. Which we'll get to, if it works out that way."

"I don't like sharing my toys. Especially if I've paid for them," says Catherine. Way to point out the tadpole in the room, lady. "Where's your friend? I was looking forward to meeting her." Nate tells her to go fuck herself in all ways simultaneously, and she quickly apologizes for being, in all honestly, pretty much a total cunt just then, taking his hand. Cue Vanessa arriving on her own -- now, and for the rest of her life -- taking a big sip from the steaming hot cup of Nate's bullshit, and turning on her heel to go barf somewhere, uttering a desultory OMG as she goes. Which is all it takes to interrupt the power grid of the entire Upper East Side, because when God heard that, he was like, "The fuck is Vanessa doing at a party at the Hudson? Oh, hell no." The Elevator of Avoidance, the Atelier of Abuse, all swanky places go black. Blair, of course, immediately barks, "It'll be fine!" but privately she's worried that GG is right: "Sorry to break it to you, B, but this party just went over to the dark side."

B roams the party, bearing candles and news: the blackout's city-wide, everything's going to be fine. Nate chases Vanessa through the people and finds her being held quite tightly by Lord Marcus, who is refusing to let her flee the scene because he thinks her safety is important. Okay, here's where my knowledge fails: I get that a blackout is scary and that everything doesn't work, but I don't understand the danger here. In Houston it's like Beirut right now, for sure, and in my new neighborhood in East Austin I would not at all be interested in running out into the street at a time like this, but: it's the Upper East Side. Maybe this show has just painted too rosy a picture, but all I can picture in my mind's eye is like hedge fund managers breaking into microbreweries and calling each other "bro" or like razing those cheap multipurpose condo-slash-Starbucks-slash-Chico's places to the ground while calling each other "bro." That's what UES looting says to me. Are there actual human beings on the UES? Why have we not seen them? And more importantly, if there are, and they are actively running buck wild right now during the blackout, why can't we see them? Just a glimpse. Plus meanwhile I'm so sure Vanessa can't take care of herself, being an accomplished felon hailing from the rough streets of Hudson River Trailer Park via some maple-syrup harvesting commune in Lesbian, Vermont, pop. most of Vermont, and besides, I'm so sure she would even make it down that many flights of stairs. She'd give up halfway and be like, "I should just call these stairs and tell them how I feel."

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Gossip Girl

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