Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Hareton Earnshaw Will Have His Revenge!

Axiom One: "Is Marcus everything you could possibly hope for?" Absolutely accepted. Axiom Two: "Really? There's not one thing that's missing?" Hmm. Axiom Three: "That one thing you tell yourself you can live without? That you'd happily sacrifice for the rest?" B is flummoxed, because what? Because being British runs in the family, that's what. Conclusion: "You're gonna sacrifice it every day for the rest of your life." Ergo: "Nate makes me feel alive. I'm not gonna give that up." B is stricken, but like I'm so sure you have to be in a sham marriage to want to fuck Nate Archibald. Chuck is neither married nor gay and that's still like his favorite thing. Still, it's persuasive.

TO ME, MY HOUNDS OF UPPANCE! THY TIME IS COME! Dan calls on the elevator phone to notify the people, and he thanks them and hangs up. "Well, it's a citywide blackout, so the guy says we just have to wait." Serena very carefully does not say something, and Dan notices. "What?" She gives a cute smile and shakes her head, because this is a thing she learned right away. (I think the idea at the time was that if you got Dan Humphrey stoned or drunk and turned on Dynasty, it would take him no time at all to say without prompting, "See those rich people? My girlfriend's a bitch.") "I know when you're thinking of something. Just tell me," he says, like the understanding boyfriend he is incapable of being. She begs off, and he keeps pushing, so after denying him his passion three times, she finally is like, well obviously you should have mentioned my name. "Are you kidding?" he says, and she's like, forget it. "No, seriously. You think that there's like a box that says Open In Event Of Serena Van Der Woodsen Emergency?" Basically yeah, but she's more diplomatic than I would be, obviously: "I live in the building. That's all."

There's an edge in her voice I haven't heard before. Is it... Is it possible that the "many reasons" for their breakup are the actual reasons for their breakup? Is it possible that the total nastiness of this one part of Dan is about to be uttered aloud? Because that's all I'm asking. Everybody's got their creepy surprise parties and there are lots of reasons to love Dan, and the second somebody (preferably S) says it aloud, I'm in. Because that means he's in the game, which is all I ever wanted. But like if that happens, I won't have anybody left to hate, because Jenny is a moron, bless her heart, and her dad is about to get interesting again when Lily comes home next week. I prefer a world where I don't hate anybody but ... As it is, I tell like three jokes a recap, and most of them are at Dan's or Vanessa's expense. I'm going to have to reinvent myself.

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Gossip Girl

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