Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Hareton Earnshaw Will Have His Revenge!

Vanessa, aka Desperation Personified, asks a question with many, many itemized answers: "What is wrong with me?" Rather than reeling them off, Jenny waits for her to get more effing specific. "I am so not the whiny-should-I-call-him girl!" And points for introspection, because even Abrams knows she's more of a stalky-should-I-climb-in-his-window type of gal. "Exactly," Jenny agrees, "You are Vanessa the do-whatever-she-wants girl, and you want to call him, so just do it! Look, I gotta go. Laurel is gonna kill me, okay? Bye." I have to say, even though it's sort of a meeting of the irresistible idiot and the immovable freak, I like this scene. I am a sucker for empowerment, and just hearing Jenny call her that makes me like both their stupid asses a little bit more. Of course, if Vanessa Hate is what you're looking for, this is sadly not the week. This episode might as well be called "This Old Abrams," given the renovations in store. Jenny immediately drops everything and is reduced to asking passersby for help, but it's Manhattan so they're all talking on iPhones about gentrification or dumping their AIG stocks or whatever and they're too busy to help. Or maybe they just get a kick out of things going wrong for Jenny Humphrey.

Nate stands in a store being dressed by his scary MILF the Duchess, who muses that Ralph Lauren adores him before blowing off his request for yet more cash. "What happened to the money I gave you?" It's gone, but he swears he can pay her back when the accounts are unfrozen. Which, Catherine points out, won't be until the Captain comes back to the U.S., which is scheduled for the fifth of never. "...Where was it again? Dominica?" Nate gets very hushy-hushy about it and exclaims, wide-eyed and scandalized, that he told her that in confidence. "You told me that in bed," she corrects deliciously, and he makes a face. "Relax, gorgeous. We can discuss this tomorrow over lunch. I got us a room at the Mercer, we can order in. I'm so glad this didn't end." He says "Me too," but what he means is, "How awesome is it that the tacit whoring I was doing last year has become actual explicit whoring this year?" She tosses the rest at him and runs off to get more ties so that Vanessa can call him.

So desperate are Nate's straits that he's actually excited to hear from her and answers the phone as happily as he used to when Jenny would call him to get her out of her various shoplifting emergencies. They have a vague conversation in the manner of Nate and Vanessa, so like basically a lot of stuttering occurs so that they can arrange a vague plan to see each other at some future time in some future location, and then Catherine comes back so he hangs up and lies that it was his mom, because one thing you should always do is talk about your mom in front of your Cougar Momma as much as possible. It's creepy on many levels! He mentions the big St. Jude's/Constance Billard party again, so that we know he's going to be at Blair's, and kisses her suddenly suspicious cheek before going off to try on his whore clothes.

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Gossip Girl

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