Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Hareton Earnshaw Will Have His Revenge!

Jenny runs in squealing and sweats all over Dan because she's so excited about his rededication to eradicating anything good or cool about his girlfriend, after confirming that the photo wasn't doctored. I was going to say, "Yeah, like the GG readers are that pathetically into it and have that much time," but then I realized yeah they are and yeah they do, which is basically the point of the internet, so I didn't. Laurel calls again, so Jenny runs off again to answer the phone, so we are to understand that Jenny is just being worked to death still because being an intern is hard especially when you get your legs broken for losing the chiffon. Rufus seems moderately pleased for his son, but -- just as Dan predicted -- starts asking sensible, world-destroying questions like, "And you two have worked out all your issues?" And if you know Dan at all, you know that's all it takes to send him back to the dark side. I mean... The actual verbalized reasons for their breakup were right by being wrong, because Dan saying "I can't trust you" implicitly contains the dependent clause "...because my constant judgmental superiority paints you into a corner where you constantly have to lie to me, just so I'll stop yelling at you," but I mean, I think it would be awesome if they actually broke up and started seeing other people. Does anybody honestly care if they're together? I'm happy to have Dan and in fact the entire Brooklyn contingent on the show in their own right -- you heard me -- and at this point it's just kind of dumb. Dan lies that their problems have all magically disappeared, and Rufus looks at him funny, because their problems are still standing right in front of him.

Vanessa walks Nate down the street, wondering at his ability to avoid perspiring; he explains that on the Upper East Side, getting hot is frowned upon. They talk some more about how they should really get together at some future time at some future location, and she points out that time that he stood her up, and he promises it won't happen again, and then they have that conversation for the twelfth through eighteenth times, and hold hands near a Vespa, which is so like poetically perfect, and the point is that Catherine is watching them from a car down the street. Uh oh! Stalker versus stalker! "Rumor is, Nate Archibald has a hidden lady. Careful, N! Secrets don't keep long in this heat..."

Blair checks things off lists, which is right now her favorite thing she still gets to do, with Serena sitting happily, if distractedly, beside her, relaying messages and receipts from Dorota. "Eleanor comes home today," Serena notes. "You excited she finally gets to meet Marcus?" Blair is: "And see why he's so wonderful? It's not often you find a man who's intelligent, sophisticated, has an appreciation for Golden Age Hollywood and is a gentleman to boot." (Not unless you're Jenny, and then they fall on you out of the sky like hotdogs from heaven.) "You know he hasn't pressured me about sex once?" Her tone's brilliance falters a beat later: "Not once." Serena says some meaningless pseudo-interested thing about this and then asks if Blair has any thoughts on her and Dan, since everybody now knows. "Even Dorota told me she was happy for me!"

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Gossip Girl

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