Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Hareton Earnshaw Will Have His Revenge!

"Are you Dan Humphrey?" asks the Blair one, and he's like, "Yessss?" She starts bitching at him for getting back together with S: "Don't you know she's just gonna lie to you again?" The Penelope one is all, "She doesn't respect you. She never will." Dan, understandably amazed by how things just got amazing, asks the little girls WTF and Blair II explains: "We read about everything on Gossip Girl. Your whole breakup? We're on your side. Except for her, she's a Serena." Lil' S stares him down with an awesome, withering glare. Dan stammers and finally explains that what is happening is "both creepy and none of [their] business," and asks them to go. Serena comes back just then, relaying the info that Lily and Bart are on a yacht with some Greek prince. I love this show, because they do that all the time without even blinking. And actually, most of the time it's a yacht, come to think of it. Lil' S perks up when Giant S arrives, and Dan tells her to ignore all three of them.

Lil' S doesn't shut up at Dan's command, quite like her older counterpart: "Serena, how could you forgive him after sleeping with Georgina?" Their jaws both drop and he swears he didn't sleep with Sparks, and asks them to leave again. Penelopette complains that they're on his side, and Lil' S stands her ground. "Not me. His mouth kissed Georgina's! Think about that the next time you..." Serena laughs, flipping out a little, and says that she's now also telling them to move along. "Shoo," she says, and when they're gone she's all WTF, and Dan's like, "That... was Gossip Girl." They talk about how there are things they need to talk about but of course shift immediately to talking about when they're going to talk about talking about those issues, at some future time in some future location, and blah blah things are awkward because now the Gods themselves are sending tiny little imps to tell them to just break up already. What's really cool/interesting about this episode is that, three weeks in, we're finally back to where the cliffhangers left us, basically. So it seemed like a fake-out the whole time they were in the Hamptons, and by the end of this episode basically all those lies have become true. I love that.

Nate's sitting in Vanessa's Rufus coffee shop, ignoring her and taking texts from Catherine demanding his presence, and Vanessa gets all depressing and flirty trying to distract him, and just as they're about to go for Round 19 of the same goddamn conversation, Blair enters and everybody watching sits up a little straighter. "What an unusual little space! Half gallery, half boho coffee shop. But then unusual pairings seem to be the order of the day..." Unusual pairing exhibit N/V stares up at her hatefully, and N asks what she's doing there. Awesomely breezy, she grins down with wide, innocent eyes: "Being angry at you, for one! Here I thought I'd surprise you by bringing Vanessa to tonight's party, when lo and behold, you two have rekindled your love in secret!" (Total Blair plan! Throw everybody into a room, stir some shit up, watch fireworks. She'd do this even if she and Catherine weren't in a d├ętente, just because it's awesome. I forgot how much I missed Scheme-y B.) "You came all the way to Brooklyn to invite me to a party for a school that I don't even go to?" Lest V think B would ever do her a goddamn favor in her life, Blair explains precisely that it was only as a favor for Nate, whose mother has apparently come down with a migraine. "When I thought of you coming all alone, I just wanted to do something nice. Is that so hard to believe?" As one, both Nate and Vanessa note that actually yes, it is hard to believe. And good on her. I wouldn't want Vanessa in my house either, going through my things like she does.

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Gossip Girl




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