"I Hear (Click Click Click)" by the very welcome Rosebuds plays while Jenny trots along carrying a black patent YSL Roady hobo-style bag ($1195-1795), which you have to know so that you don't assume -- which: usually a safe assumption -- that GG has suffered a stroke: "Spotted: An It Girl with an It Bag. Looks like the Roady to success is paved with Cruel Intentions..." Still ugly, but nowhere near "Little Orphan Jenny needs a Daddy Warbucks that doesn't grow on a tree that grows in Brooklyn" territory, plus bonus CI reference, since that's the movie we always used to watch to quell our GG cravings before this show existed and our cravings had no name. ("You could be a model. It's too bad you're not sexy!")

The Handmaiden that wears Blue calls the purse a "baby" and the one in Purple starts crying and shit and they talk about how the waiting list is still waiting because it's not in stores yet. Which would all be very amazing if this exact same thing hadn't happened, oh, two or three weeks ago when Blair made the acquaintance of that awesome prostitute, pretty much verbatim. At least this time they're not saying that egregious fashionista crap, and none of them are named Brandeis. I mean, I don't know what their names are -- Saylor, Taylor, and Baylor or something -- but that would be pushing it.

Kyler and Tyler are like, "So lucky to be Lily Bass's daughter!" And Jenny points out that her name's Humphrey now, like that's something to be goddamn proud of, and that anyway she has her own secret connections. Then Schuyler comes walking up all in Green and she's got the same bag and isn't that cute and they're twinkie-twins and Jenny tells her she can shove that Roady right up her bodhi if she thinks she's getting away with stepping on Queen J's style, and sends her across the street to be lonely and fashionable. Everybody's sad because it was a Christmas gift from her Mom and Jenny is being unreasonable, but then she offers to let Huey and Dewey touch her bag and they have orgasms.

Around the corner, Heather Green is like, "That was totally humiliating," because it turns out the whole intense purse thing is Eric van der Woodsen's latest evil plot to bring revolution to the proletariat. Horrible Kira adds nothing as usual to this scene. But the plan is solid: Use Saylor (who's the prettiest one, that looks like Vanessa) to illustrate the essential unfairness of Jenny's rule and cause an uprising, then install Saylor as the new Queen and go back to not caring about any of this shit. Eric mumbles darkly about "Phase II," wherein more bullshit will happen with stupid-looking purses.