Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
You Be Him + I'll Be Her

Vanessa is a charming fucker. "...I mean, imagine if Serena would have hit her head a little harder, or the car rolled, or the..." Dan finally turns to her with that Face of his and, perhaps just to shut her creeper ass up, confesses his love. She nods and says she loves him too, no big whoop, and then notices him continuing to make weird faces. She asks why he's spazzing and he strongly implies that he love-loves her, and she shuts him down with a quickness: "Dan? Sometimes when people are under a lot of emotional stress, they say things that they don't really mean." Poor D-Bag is just crawling out of his skin uncomfortable at this point, but accepts the smackdown and mumbles to himself for a bit before Vanessa huffs off to check on Serena and get away from his constantly escalating needs. "Empire State Of Mind" starts again, but it's used in this amazingly mean way that lends everything a very "Winter Finale, See You In March" vibe.

There's nothing you can't do!
Now you're in New York!
These streets will make you feel brand new!
The lights will inspire you!
Let's hear it for New York!
New York, New York!

The kids come laughing into PRADA, Lily calling for Rufus, but she freaks when she sees the open letter on her desk. GG: "Sinatra sings 'New York, New York, it's a hell of a town, but on the UES sometimes it just feels like Hell..." In New York!, Alicia Keys helpfully chimes in, as Lily swallows; and Rufus is meeting with Holland Kemble for advice on being a trophy wife, while she flirts and is clearly crazy; and Dan comes home to DUMBO alone once again; and Jenny sneaks out of PRADA dressed like a cat burglar; and Serena wakes from a restless sleep to see Nate in the chair by her side, smiling sleepily to herself as GG snarks that only Serena ever gets a happy ending.

It's not just Long Island that the wolves are partying these days. Damien is testy and European when Jenny finally shows up for their streetcorner meeting; they've got somewhere to be. She doesn't go into detail about her sister's political trainwreck/literal car crash, just says things are hectic. He's got the drugs on him; she asks if she can hold them, and demands to meet their connection by herself.

Chuck finally goes to see Bart's grave, yellow roses in hand, but hears a woman weeping when he's halfway there. He thinks it's Lily, but it's someone else, wearing a scarf, carrying yellow roses of her own. She looks up at his voice, recognizes him, and runs off into the forest like an insane person, leaving behind only a broken old locket, monogrammed E for Evelyn and bearing Bart's photograph, and a heaping helping of silencio.

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Gossip Girl




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