Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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You Be Him + I'll Be Her

In their Long Island Love Nest, Serena is rolling around in her underwear while Trip -- fully dressed, in some sort of hunting costumery -- takes calls from Barney Frank, who would like the Junior Representative from New York to celebrate his first minute in office by joining a Finance Subcommittee. I realize that it's liberal/Kennedy cachet to do the whole Democrat thing here, and I agree with you that Barney Frank is the greatest/only Democrat left, and you shouldn't go to the gay place automatically like this, but: I would love it if Trip and Serena switched places and Trip had to slowly realize he's only a pretend-congressman being used because of his total hotness and/or connection to It Girl Serena van der Woodsen. Wouldn't that blow your mind if this entire storyline were all Barney Frank's scheme to get Trip van der Bilt in bed and meet Serena? If I were Barney Frank it would be.

Serena continues rolling around in her underwear throughout the entire sign, pulling every kittenish moue and six-mile limb out of her arsenal at once because: Once you're in the Love Den, what are you supposed to do? They just look at each other like they are the most boring white people, and then Serena fully goes, "If being together means everything will fall apart, then so be it. It'll be hard, but we'll figure it out. Even if that means starting over."

This would be the moment that Trip realizes that Serena is a child and that he has made a truly dreadful fucking mistake, and that he has stepped in something so scary even those wolves we now know to have the run of Long Island wouldn't touch it. He's like, "I'm going to town for... Supplies," whatever that means, and he's got his phone out of that pocket before he even gets out of the house. Meanwhile, Serena rolls around in her underwear all alone.

As Jay-Z's "Empire State Of Mind" comes around for the first time -- imagine it as a sort of overture at this time -- Blair comes to realize that the LES property is a homeless shelter. "A) Gross, and B) Really? I'm not a huge advocate of the downtrodden, but I am a fan of not stepping on them when I'm at John Derian. If you turn these into lofts, then where are they going to live?" Charlie cares not. She calls him on his Scrooge routine and tells him grief is real and it is happening, so he strong-arms her back down the block and into a limo. "Fine. Pretend like you never get sad and all you care about is making more money. But just so we're clear, I know better. And you, Chuck Bass, are not your father." He looks hollow, and agrees. That's the point.

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Gossip Girl

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