GG: "A few lucky ladies [Serena] can do no wrong: Their look's perfection, and they've got accessories to match... But most girls [Jenny] get tired of the same old look, and they'll do just about anything to get the hot new piece [Nate, obvs] on their arm... And then there are those [Jack] with no vision of their own. Thieves of fashion who'll steal the shirt off your back!"

Thieves of fashion, ladies and gents. So Jack is in the Empire looking down on the people -- they "really do look like ants," he muses -- and asking Elizabeth to reconsider leaving him, but she says she... Wait, so she gave him the ultimatum and he really chose her, but then... Wait, but then why... So he chose the hotel but she... Almost had it. Okay, he chose her... No. He chose both, I guess, but neither of them could remember how ultimatums work, so then they had a redo and he chose the hotel, but she -- okay, got it -- that was the ultimatum: He chose the hotel and still wants her. Is willing to buy her off, even. But she wants to start over and "try to be the person [she] forgot."

Which I am all for, if that person A) talks like a human being, B) acts like a rational goddamn person who could exist in this world by even a slim margin, C) had one consistent story and stuck to it, D) didn't expect me to believe for a second that Jack Bass, the rapiest person of all time, could possibly fool her into thinking he was okay, E) didn't undo and unravel Chuck's entire storyline throughout the entire series, to the point where Jack being Chuck's father is suddenly the least stupid thing, and the only thing that could actually make sense of this hash. But I'm thinking that's the person we all forget. "I'll warn you," Jack intones, "You're taking off just when it's about to get fun!"

Gee, because whenever the show tells us how much fun we're having, it's always not never wrong. So Chuck goes home to Blair, and they get into a scheming and evil makeout sesh about taking down Jack, and curl around each other like snakes, and it's totally hot. XOXO.

Tonight: Games of Assassin, Jenny goes after Nate, and I think maybe the unthinkable happens. Again.

Check out the Gossip Girl pun index.