Blair reiterates for the Blondie Twins that they need to leave Chuck alone and just look pretty, and then they spot Brandeis. So first Serena goes, "How's Congressman Wade?" Which is dumb, because hello, you were just whoring it up with a senator like last week. So not a burn. What Brandeis says is gross -- "He's polling very well these days" -- but what I would have said is, "Well, he hasn't smashed my face in during any car crashes or left me to the literal wolves lately, so that's going all right. How is dating your married boyfriend's gay younger cousin?" Brandeis gets in one more attempt at repartee ("Got it, Blair. We're closed for businessmen") and runs off to be with her hos. Serena points out how stupid this whole thing is, and Blair huffs off all, "Prostitutes are people, too. And they have a lot of disposable income!" Well, now that you mention it, this storyline isn't completely retarded. You've got me there.
Vanessa looks really pretty dressed as Rear Window. Dan apparently went home to the loft and fell asleep with a band of light precisely across his eyes, like Anjelica Huston in The Addams Family and just took a little nap right there, as though he knew shit was about to get noir. (Why, for real, would you put this much effort in? I mean, he's already at that stage you want your boyfriend: Broken in. Broken period. Like, romantically unambitious. Willing to leave you alone so you can do your stuff. Not making you listen to dumb bands or read some comic book or watch him play a video game or go outside in nature with his stoner friends. Perfectly devoid of romantic aspirations. Ready to be a team, not an event.) She calls him "Daniel" and she's wearing gloves and huge fake eyelashes and Florence + The Machine is playing and she whispers all kittenish and... I don't know, this just looks like a different kind of rut. A super sad one. Kathy Bates in a dress made of Saran Wrap.
Surprise! Agnes is not actually in recovery, she's handing out Little J's pills to everybody and being totally breezy about it. Jenny gives her some bullshit about it, and Agnes goes, "What are you gonna do? Waltz up to Eleanor and tell her that your drug dealer dumped your virgin ass, and now the rest of her models are high on his stash?" You don't know Jenny, bitch. She will totally do that and somehow it will work out. She will take that clutch full of pills and throw it on the floor and be like, "These are my drugs, everybody! Mine!" And somehow she will get a gift certificate out of that situation.