Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Old Ultraviolence
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Everybody's doing fashion things.... At Eleanor's house? For real? With like Vampire Weekend playing. Doesn't she have her own atelier? Isn't that, in fact, how I learned the word "atelier"? Well anyway, Jenny looks nuts and probably that is because she is with Rufus Humphrey, who is talking about waffles and refusing to make brunch. This is to prove that he still has the sack despite slinking back to the UES after running away from home for all of two seconds. One instance of which, remember, he only ran away from the Penthouse. Didn't even leave the building.

Anyway, he just keeps saying "waffles waffles waffles" and Jenny's like, "I'm grounded! That means I can't go places with you!" and Rufus is all, "I still have no idea what 'grounded' really means so this week you're 'grounded' by going back to work at that place you worked at that time where you got convinced that you should get your GED in Fashion and we had that fight and I punished you by making you be homeless? And Daddy Warbuckses didn't grow on trees at least not trees that grew in Brooklyn?" Because waffles, just like all food, do not make Jenny happy. The only things that make Jenny happy are drug dealers, Nate, and fashion. So now we're going to Eleanor's, which even destructoid Jenny knows is a terrible idea.

Plus, Rufus goes, "I was talking to Serena, and she said that Eleanor is having something called a 'pop-up fashion show' for her new junior line." Rufus Humphrey saying that sentence is a host of problems. Inside, there are sketches and models and those same shots from a second ago, and Rufus smarming, and Jenny's like, "Oh right! FASHION!" And her heart grows three sizes so in order to maintain her found-in-the-forest-by-the-interstate look of lifelessness, she has to quickly put on three more coats of Maybelline's Laura Palmer Collection. I love how in Jenny's head Fashion = Looking Dead.

Blair is looking adorable and ancient in a frilly layered mess of an outfit, and talking stupid. "There's something about waking up on the day of a fashion show," she says breezily. "The smell of fresh pleats wafting through the city..." What the fuck do "fresh pleats" smell like? That steam fragrance? I hate it when Blair's talking goes like this. Anyway, she wants Chuck to come with her and smell pleats and have breakfast with Eleanor, but he can't, because he's having breakfast with his new mother. He smiles some more, and it's cute some more, and the great thing about his plan is how it doesn't involve eating breakfast with the person who gave you a raging eating disorder.

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Gossip Girl

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