Speaking of gay, here's Serena's helpful idea: "Why don't you do a date night inspired by one of his favorite films?" First of all, No you didn't. Nobody has ever said those words out loud. Second of all, Don't tell Vanessa Abrams shit like this, because she's going to get more involved in the lighting concept and the whatever than she is the very simple truth that having sex with teenage boys is not this difficult. It's literally what they were built for. Third of all, Dan's favorite "films" are guaranteed to be idiotic. So you've got pretentious Vanessa unlocking the mental secrets of pretentious Dan so that she can please him sexually which earns her... What, exactly? The same five minutes of wheezing -- followed up abrupt, mysterious tears -- as if she just snaked her hand down his trousers over takeout like she was going to do before she started listening to Serena. This, even in this stupid episode, this is dumb. I mean, it's not like Serena needs a bunch of bells and whistles either.
Nate gets a text from Chuck as they're all wrapping up this stupid sex scheme about how his mother has betrayed and evicted him, so Nate and Serena run off to "help." Meanwhile, Jenny has... Not been working on Eleanor's pop-up fashion show, I guess, and has instead created a new garment out of thin air that is of such quality that Eleanor will be closing her show with it and offering Jenny a job again. This is so fucking stupid I can't stand it! Some random evil fashion girl named KALI, okay, brings the drugs from Little J's house, but now Jenny doesn't want to do the stupid pointless plan with Damien, and Agnes is like, "That's okay, bitch."
"It would appear we've all been players in a Jack Bass plot," Chuck explains, talking like people talk in real life. "The reappearance of my mother, the lawsuit... It's all been part of an elaborate ruse to get me to sign over my hotel to Elizabeth. You have to admire his handiwork." Everybody furrows their brows but nobody does it quite like Chuck. They sit silently furrowing for awhile, and then I guess Chuck figures that the plan is to bankrupt the Empire and then sell its deflated self to some vultures. So the good guy plan has to be to work Elizabeth and make her sign the hotel back over to him, because obviously Jack is blackmailing her or something.
Chuck runs off to scheme, and Nate and Serena have a whole conversation recapping the last few episodes of this ridiculous storyline, and even though they are informing each other of facts that they already know, it still seems like they are learning and growing as they share the facts with each other. Blair tells them to shut up and stop thinking and sharing facts and bothering Chuck, because that's her whole personality now, and then she runs off about how she has thirty friends coming.