Nate, I can see him buying that. Louis, whether or not he believed her we'd never know because he would just talk like he was choking on his own viscera, and it doesn't matter anyway because soon, he actually will be. This doesn't make any sense whatsoever, and yet they all chill down? It's so hard to care about any of this.
Nate: "Well, I'm back to being mad at you."
Dan: "Sorry we lied to everybody about our secret relationship and staged elaborate scenes with crazy Blair that involved her vanishing in the middle of the night and going to strange secret tunnel apartments. It was a Serena Plan that got out of hand, I guess."
Everybody: "Oh my God, you're the worst. Whatever."
Serena & Dan: "Okay, now we both know the real deal, and it's that Blair's brain -- never really a paragon of mental health -- has completely shit the bed. And we're cool with that. And we're going to continue to pretend to be in a relationship for some reason. And I'm going to kiss you at midnight. This is how we're playing this."
Lily: "Rufus, why are you at Juilliard in the middle of the night on New Year's? Along with a bunch of other people?"
Rufus, verbatim: "You went out for champagne over an hour ago, and singing karaoke by myself got a little bit humiliating."
Lily: "Don't open that floodgate. If you start thinking about ways your life is humiliating..."
Rufus: "I called Andrew Tyler to ask if he could tell me the thing that he couldn't tell me earlier, and he couldn't, so I hired him to spy on you so I could come find you."
That actually happened. In the middle of Lily spying on Charlie, Rufus hired the exact same guy to spy on Lily. And the reason that he did this was that he thought Lily was out buying champagne and he got bored. So he hired a private detective.
Rufus: "But then I was so goshdarned irritating that he ended up just telling me the whole deal anyway, so that's another grand of your money I've pissed away for no reason."
Lily: "I'm just glad we're here together, as a family, on New Year's. Here at Juilliard. Without our children."
A random blonde girl walks by that is clearly not Cousin Peepers, so of course they go running after her and sack her and sit on her chest and they're like, "Cousin Peepers! Cousin Peepers! We need more children to have a storyline!" and the random blonde girl is like, "I'm not the Charlotte Rhodes you're looking for, I'm this other Charlotte Rhodes that goes by the name 'Lola' and if you ever knew what happened to me you'd never talk to my mom again and also the fact that somehow -- without my own knowledge and with a completely different face -- I've been all over the tabloids, hanging out with Serena van der Woodsen, having a debutante ball at your house, none of that apparently made any kind of impact on my life here in this relatively tiny city where we all live."