First of all, your name is Lola. You know it's bad luck to give yourself your own nickname. First of all. And second of all, Really? Being a Rhodes Woman who came from Florida to New York City with famous relatives all over the place and the same age as the other Charlotte Rhodes who also came from Florida to New York City with famous relatives that you've never talked to and don't recognize? Really? And you just explained this to weird grownup strangers that are hunting you with dogs? On New Year's Eve? And the terrible thing that happened to you that would cause the ostracized Aunt Carol to be even more ostracized is that you go to Juilliard?

How funny if this is all a red herring and Lola never comes back? This was just their idea of nipping that storyline concept in the bud. "Oh, you think Lola matters? Ask Pilot Inspektor. Ask us if we give even one tiny motherfucking fuck."

REHASH

Back at the magazine or whatever, everybody apologizes to everybody else, the wedding is back on, Louis informs Blair of Serena's mastermind quick save that solved everything somehow and Blair says another part of the weirdness that explains everything somehow is that she's suddenly converting to Catholicism. Like her Crazy Plan looked at Serena's Crazy Plan and decided to one-up it.

That chauffeur with nowhere else to be is super happy to be at this lame party, and also more than happy to reiterate the events of that horrible night which more than likely injured and traumatized him at least so badly: "Those photographers got really close to the car, but the bigger problem was that my brakes felt like they had no pressure. I swear I checked them before my shift started!"

Ah, the old brakeline slasheroo. You'd think with his own checkered wolf-and-MVA history that Tripp would be more creative than that. Or maybe this also was Maureen. Maybe the end of the show will just be a Usual Suspects breakdown of how every single thing was actually Maureen: Maureen slipped Georgina some tainted coke and an endless supply of thumb drives the night of the Sheppard Wedding, Maureen came up with the supermodel Ponzi scheme originally, Maureen and Carter Baizen are actually running a horse-thieving ring, Maureen is Chuck's mother, Maureen got Agnes into drugs, Maureen killed Allison Humphrey, Maureen invited Rachel Carr to an opera at 8:30, Maureen is Gossip Girl, Maureen pretended to be CNN to lure Vanessa to Haiti, the whole bit.