Nate: "Serena, why does your email keep beeping at me?"
Serena: "That's because I am getting new emails at a constant rate."
Nate: "What do they say?"
Serena: "I am too good a person to read them. Apparently in the absence of Gossip Girl these past few months, I am the only other person on earth that people have heard of, so everybody just emails me everything all the time. I coulda broke Weiner, coulda broke WikiLeaks, coulda saved Matt Drudge a lot of hat-wearing effort, but I simply couldn't bring myself to read these emails. These electronic ... mails."
Nate: "Why would reading emails make you a bad person? Normally I get your harebrained nonsense, but I'm really not following this time."
Serena, verbatim: "My blog is about my own experience, not using information to hurt people."
Nate: "Got it. If you read Gossip Girl emails, you'll turn into Gossip Girl. Well, I mean, that's just science."
Blair: "Dan, why won't you talk to me about my wedding dress?"
Dan: "The only thing I want to say about your wedding dress is that you shouldn't be getting married in it."
Blair: "Then go back to shutting up. I have crazy-as-shit reasons to do this, as you well know."
Dan: "Chuck and Louis think you are cheating on them. And you kind of are."
Blair: "Look. I love lying to everybody all the time. Why would you deny me that? Especially when I have entered realms of mental illness usually only trespassed by Chuck Bass on various rooftops?"
Dan, taking her hand: "You're right. We are best friends. I am slowly being drawn into your insanity."
They go into a brownstone together like they are fucking, and Chuck snaps pictures or whatever. He walks into the street without looking, and a taxi almost bumps into him going about twelve miles an hour, but then comes to a full and complete stop several yards away. Much like the fake cough of the Prince, it's so staged and lovingly dwelled upon that one must wonder why it happened. You won't have to wait long.
Serena & Nate: "[Endless blond chatter about events of our era.]"
Gossip Girl: "Hey, Nate. I thought you were a journalist with integrity!"
Gossip Girl: "The important thing is that the paparazzi didn't cause Blair and Chuck's accident. Look more into it. If shit weren't so boring right now I might tell you more or just say whether the fuck I'm saying, but first of all I don't roll like that and second of all, I have nothing else going on at all."