Dan: "I think you should go to Nate's party tonight with Louis. Or without him."
Blair: "It's going to be tough, faking it at a party with my family and friends."
Dan: "Maybe that means something?"
Blair: "I assure you that it does not. Regular stuff no longer means anything to me, now that I am in the middle of a psychotic break."
Chuck & Louis: "Let's have a talking like this contest."
Dan: "I love this party, Nate! And your office! And your outfit! You're my hero, did I ever tell you that? All this time I was hanging out with Chuck doing weird threesomes and smoking pot, I was wishing it was you. I love you so much, man."
Nate: "Welcome to my party, guy I'm still mad at!"
Dan: "...Like a dog with a bone. A bitchy one."
Louis: "Maybe they're just talking? And this is coming from the guy who just apparently still hasn't noticed the two of you were pulled from flaming wreckage in the middle of cuckolding me."
Chuck, verbatim: "People don't rent secret apartments to discuss feelings, and frankly, an affair with Humphrey is the one thing that explains why she's not confiding in you and why she stopped speaking to me."
How so? How does that follow? Finally, Serena has just had it with them, and heads into the ladies' room to ask Blair what the hell is going on with her. If she'd noticed months ago, maybe they would have had this conversation earlier, but you know, there was this whole list she was supposed to write and it just kinda crept up on her and...
Meanwhile, Louis and Chuck decide that the sensible thing to do is to detour the office slideshow to include a slide proclaiming Dair 2011's MOST SECRET AFFAIR. It's a stroke of genius, or a genius of a stroke, but either way I think "Louis & Chuck Plan" just superseded "Serena Plan" as my very favorite kind of Plan. Nate's omnipresent and weirdly restive assistant surprises Louis as he's doing this amazing activity and he fully lies to her that he was doing "Monegasque business" on Nate's computer. I think I'm actually going to miss him, when he finally gets the scarlet fever or whatever he's going to get.
Serena: "I know this might be hard, but I'm going to stay on you until I get what I want. Blair, for the first time since you almost died months ago and lost your damn mind, I'm going to ask you to tell me what is going on."
Blair: "Okay, well, I thought Chuck was going to die because he was in a coma, so I just completely ignored the unimportant fact that I had miscarried -- since that has zero effect on a woman, physically speaking -- and dragged my ass to the hospital chapel to make a solemn vow that I would marry Louis and never sleep with Chuck again if he would just wake up."
Serena: "That is severely fucked up, but do go on. What happened next?"
Blair: "He woke up. Like right then. So I went to his hospital room and apologized for breaking up with him, and I've been going slowly insane ever since."