How funny if this is all a red herring and Lola never comes back? This was just their idea of nipping that storyline concept in the bud. "Oh, you think Lola matters? Ask Pilot Inspektor. Ask us if we give even one tiny motherfucking fuck."
Back at the magazine or whatever, everybody apologizes to everybody else, the wedding is back on, Louis informs Blair of Serena's mastermind quick save that solved everything somehow and Blair says another part of the weirdness that explains everything somehow is that she's suddenly converting to Catholicism. Like her Crazy Plan looked at Serena's Crazy Plan and decided to one-up it.
That chauffeur with nowhere else to be is super happy to be at this lame party, and also more than happy to reiterate the events of that horrible night which more than likely injured and traumatized him at least so badly: "Those photographers got really close to the car, but the bigger problem was that my brakes felt like they had no pressure. I swear I checked them before my shift started!"
Ah, the old brakeline slasheroo. You'd think with his own checkered wolf-and-MVA history that Tripp would be more creative than that. Or maybe this also was Maureen. Maybe the end of the show will just be a Usual Suspects breakdown of how every single thing was actually Maureen: Maureen slipped Georgina some tainted coke and an endless supply of thumb drives the night of the Sheppard Wedding, Maureen came up with the supermodel Ponzi scheme originally, Maureen and Carter Baizen are actually running a horse-thieving ring, Maureen is Chuck's mother, Maureen got Agnes into drugs, Maureen killed Allison Humphrey, Maureen invited Rachel Carr to an opera at 8:30, Maureen is Gossip Girl, Maureen pretended to be CNN to lure Vanessa to Haiti, the whole bit.
AT THE BAR
Dan comes up to Chuck and it's amazing because thankfully, Chuck isn't buying what Dan and Serena are sloppily, weirdly trying to sell.
Dan: "Hey listen, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you about Serena and me, but we didn't want our families to know, and you're kind of like her brother..."
Chuck: "Uh, so are you."
Dan: "Well, I didn't do it to upset you..."
Chuck: "Humphrey, I don't care about you or our blonde pseudo-sibling. Your relationship with Serena may explain the sneaking around, but it does not make sense of the fact Blair cut me out of her life. I think you know why, and when I find out what secret you've been keeping, and why, you will pay."
Dan: "That is probably how it will go down. Unless I also get tuberculosis and die first."