Dan: "There you are! Man, these New York brides with their eating disorders, am I right? Not that you're fat, of course. Why, you're looking positively svelte ever since your miscarriage."
Blair: "How amazingly insensitive in at least three different ways, but you're correct. I am having my dress re-tailored because I am no longer going to be pregnant at my wedding to European royalty, like was totally realistic before now. But anyway, I just decided to have a meltdown about this dress because it reminds me of how things were before. You know, when I was pregnant and marrying a man I didn't love so I ran off in the middle of the night with my old boyfriend and we were beset by wolves. Those were the days."
Vera Wang: "Blair, you look pretty but I can tell something's going on. Did you get cold feet about the wedding and run off with a guy and then have a car accident and lose your baby? I thought so. Let me go get some more gowns."
Chuck: Has a spy within the Vera Wang network who at this point alerts him from outside the store that Blair is with a guy in there who is like 60-70 percent probably not gay and could stand to eat a sandwich and get his hair under control.
ibid., verbatim: "Let me guess, dark curly hair? With the pale visage of someone who doesn't get out much?"
ibid, ditto: "We need to move this stakeout to Vera Wang."
MEDIA INTERNET THINGS
Nate: "Most Surreal New York Moment?"
Serena: "The earthquake? No, Paz de la Huerta."
No fucking joke. I forgot to tell you guys this last year but I was sold for about six months on trying to start a rumor that I was being called "the Paz de la Huerta of American letters." The campaign never really got off the ground, and now that joke has sailed, but I was so proud of it. Also, though, isn't it sort of scarily accurate?
Nate: "Serena, why does your email keep beeping at me?"
Serena: "That's because I am getting new emails at a constant rate."
Nate: "What do they say?"
Serena: "I am too good a person to read them. Apparently in the absence of Gossip Girl these past few months, I am the only other person on earth that people have heard of, so everybody just emails me everything all the time. I coulda broke Weiner, coulda broke WikiLeaks, coulda saved Matt Drudge a lot of hat-wearing effort, but I simply couldn't bring myself to read these emails. These electronic ... mails."
Nate: "Why would reading emails make you a bad person? Normally I get your harebrained nonsense, but I'm really not following this time."
Serena, verbatim: "My blog is about my own experience, not using information to hurt people."
Nate: "Got it. If you read Gossip Girl emails, you'll turn into Gossip Girl. Well, I mean, that's just science."