Nate enters the Hudson apartment at Blair's invitation, and asks what was so important. "Well," she smiles a bit, "I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that your girlfriend Catherine is a lying, manipulating whore, sleeping with her stepson. I know. It's hard to picture. I have photos if you'd like to take a look." She's sincere for a moment: "I'm sorry. ...But the good news is that I convinced them both to leave town. And that's not even the best part! Catherine and I made a deal. I promised to keep my mouth shut, and she agreed to pay off the Captain's restitution. Congratulations, Archibald. Welcome back to your old life!" He stammers, and her phone rings. "Wait. Hold that non-thought." She tells Catherine to shove it, but the music -- and Blair's tune -- switch up like a rock dropped in the ocean. "What do you mean? Vanessa talked to the Duke? No, I told her to stay out of this..." She hangs up, sad again. Deeply sad, actually. "Okay. Maybe I only have bad news."

Chuck heads over to egg Penelope and Isabel on, to make the night complete: "Serena's not thinking straight, she's making this about Dan. It's the new girl that defied you." He pours some kind of magic depilatory that works faster than Rachel True's witch powers in The Craft into an empty glass, and reminds Penelope of a Nairtini she served the Danish exchange student in ninth grade. (Ours was Finnish. If only I'd had access to a Nairtini or the dark eldritch forces of Manon, she'd be bald and I'd be happily gay-married and probably overseas adopting my second baby right now.) Everybody smarms unendingly.

DUMBO. Lily is caught mid-relaxing breathing exercise when Rufus opens the door. He acts all astonished and she says Serena ditched her, so she brought over a movie: Pretty In Pink. "...It's only a supporting role, but Harry Dean Stanton is excellent..." Rufus whines that it's 9 PM and she's like, "So I should have called, but whatever," and he gives her the Humphriest of all faces. "Lily... What are you doing here? She's called out. "I don't know. Um. Bart is doing business, as he did most of our trip. The kids are living their own lives, and my life... Is in an empty house or in a crowded restaurant... And I don't know which one makes me feel more alone. I need a friend. That's why I came to see you yesterday." Rufus tells her to go shove her friendship where the sun doesn't shine, because she committed the great crime of agreeing with him that she should marry Bart Bass, and obviously needs to be punished forever and ever. "I can't be your safety net anymore. It's not fair. You made your choice to be Mrs. Bass. You need to go do that. We both need you to go do that."