Dan immediately knocks into like six people, but for once it's not because he's painfully self-absorbed: it reaches back to his last line of invisibility dialogue, plus forward into the future of this episode, plus is a lie: the last person he knocks over while blundering through the halls is a HORRIBLE DORKY MONSTER! named Amanda Lasher, who has the squeaking whining baby voice of a HORRIBLE MONSTER! crossed with the weak personality and round moon-pie face/choppy bangs of a self-proclaimed literary genius. Props to casting on this one, because she's simultaneously so off-putting you want her off the screen immediately, and because you know on sight that she is the suspiciously perfect girl of all time for Dan. Why, her Torchwood fan fiction alone would make you cry, just you wait until you see those pictures of her dressed up as Sailor Effing Moon, her opinions about Jane Austen and Charlotte Brontë are both erudite and refreshingly original, and her erotic poetry -- while confused about the basics, because she's a virgin and lies to herself and her diary that this is a choice she has consciously made -- is quite full of vocabulary. And yearning!

Okay so Blair's wearing the cape, the pilgrim funeral ribbon at her neck, and a bejeweled silver headband topping an entire countryside town we'll call Pleatsville. She looks like PTSD Queen Victoria wrapped in a William Carlos Williams poem about Nantucket. Meanwhile, Serena is perverting her school uniform thusly: a low-cut t-shirt that's about as thick as gas station tissue paper, a tiny white thin shell over that, the idea of a skirt from a dream that a skirt once had, a skinny black tie knotted betwixt and slightly below the nexus of her décolletage, and a long sheer scarf or something, with about fifteen necklaces of varying length; all of which combines to somehow suggest nudity, like, you keep looking for nipple the whole time. They both look totally hot, and completely insane.

"I just hid there! How pathetic is that? ...Don't answer that." Blair tells her the breakup is the easy part, it's "having to see them date someone else that's hard." She points out that this is the reason that she rubs the Lord in Chuck's face all the time, which Serena more correctly describes as "a twisted version of foreplay," and not even Blair's capability for self-deception is equal to the task of not giggling about that. "Ignoring you," she says. Man, I hope she doesn't break up with both Serena and Marcus at the same time, because she'll be like Little Red Riding Hood at that point, surrounded by Kryptonite with Chuck all coming at her with his dick out and magic sex lasers coming out of his eyes and those limp-wristed Nosferatu claws extended... What am I saying?! That's exactly what I want.