Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Cansei de Ser Stupid

"Yeah, he likes poets, and Letters to Poets." Amanda excuses herself a moment, and drunk Serena grins and makes one of those hilarious "Awwww! I don't really care!" Mean Girl noises. Jeez, I love her. Serena heads off to get yet more drinks, even though she was just rolling around in the booth like a tired toddler, and Dan -- after Jenns tries to bond with him over how she's "smoking hot," which wouldn't work if Dan had never even met her in his life -- deserts poor Jenns and follows.

Damn Serena is drunk. "So is this your great peace plan? You invite me out so you can rub lacrosse guy in my face?" Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, Lonelyboy. Serena points out that she didn't plan this, but Dan's not buying it. Because even though Serena has never lied one time in her entire life before she met Dan, the fact that he's forced her to keep quiet or lie outright about the majority of things that happen to her in a day, that still makes her a liar. Valid, but not really the biggest problem in that scenario. "I thought it was okay that we date other people," she says, pushing it, and he makes fun of Jenns. (Who is exactly who she's going to end up marrying, basically, so be nice.)

"Well? He's fun, non-neurotic... I thought that would be a nice change." Good point: he hasn't implied, much less said explicitly, that Serena is a misguided whore a single time all night. That is a nice change! Dan says calling him boring and neurotic is "classy," which Serena flips on him with a quickness: "Classy? Like you asking another girl out our first day back at school?" Dan whines that they were broken up, but I'm afraid the Drunk Girl Drama Train has left the station. She gets completely, overwhelmingly, The Black Tears Of St. Lauren Conrad intense: "So what, Dan? It hurt. What did you expect? I loved you, and just because we broke up doesn't mean I can just turn it off like that!" Her emotions are raging out of control but she's still talking sense. Girl can hold her liquor; frankly, it would take this much for her to lay it out for him.

Dan -- and again, though I find him vile and would never associate with him, I do love him -- is a teenage boy, so even though for her this is a totally shameful laying down of arms and being disgustingly weak and vulnerable by saying it out loud, for Dan it's the opposite: just, like, facts of which he was unaware. His face is like, "Oh, that's what's been going on this whole time? I ... My bad."

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Gossip Girl




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