Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Cansei de Ser Stupid

But what I love most of all about this episode is how tight the plot is. The two main stories, Dan/Serena and Nate/Chuck, weave themselves around each other so beautifully, pulling in other characters and playing everybody's secrets and desire/reality tension against themselves and each other. Without B dipping her finger in the Dan situation, Chuck's plans wouldn't have worked out; we didn't even know -- well, I didn't, you might have -- that Chuck was orchestrating the whole thing until now. And it was built out of such tiny, negligible little jibes and oversights, like, growing up is a process of realizing that you don't ever do anything by accident, and thereby getting yourself under control by figuring out the real reasons that motivate you, and this is the perfect illustration of why: they were both put into positions where their moments of pettiness came at bad times, and now the world is burning! Dan's obsession with class warfare just went from Cold to On Fire, but nothing would have happened if Chuck hadn't played both the Amanda and Plastics cards at once, while trusting B to do her thing... Ah. I'm so very much in love.

Amanda asks Chuck why on earth he even cares who rules Constance, and he declines to explain that Blair only fucks him when she's socially deprived -- not actually depressed and self-hating, or else she'll just leapfrog over him to bulimia -- but very specifically feels like she's not in control of her social environment, because that creates an environment where she is off the GG radar and doesn't have to live up to her own propaganda, and can do whatever she wants, which both of them and all of us know means boning Chuck. ...Got all that? Amanda doesn't. She doesn't even get a kiss, just an envelope and a kiss-off. The "Amanda" persona is heading to boarding school in Vermont and Chuck is heading off to see if there are any loose ends. He knows there won't be.

Jenny shows up at the atelier claiming she has the day off from school, but forgot and wore her uniform, then begs Laurel for some shit work to do so that she won't have to deal with school and the Plastics at all. Laurel turns a blind eye to these obvious retarded lies, because her crispy evil heart loves child labor and abusing Jenny. And the holiday Jenny claims we're celebrating?

Woman's Suffrage Day.

You bet your ass we are. I swear I'm not making that up; I'm never making this shit up. And how are we celebrating? The Plastics wait in the courtyard, having traded their Blairite headbands in for loose, casual scarves. Blair arrives and begins to explain her absence yesterday, but nobody cares. Serena's arrived. They climb over each other for her attention; she ignores them. Serena turns a cold eye on Blair. Blair, who wouldn't stop pushing. Blair, who engineered last night from a million miles away, who wouldn't let Serena take the high road. Who needed "her old Serena" back so terribly badly that she'd break something precious, even as Serena begged her not to. Blair, who put the key in the locks and turned them one by one.

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Gossip Girl

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