Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Cansei de Ser Stupid

Eric and Chuck arrive, discussing how Chuck's using Blair's system to screen his dates. (With I'm guessing a few modifications, given the fact that Chuck is blind to the fact that "Projects" and "Victims" are two separate categories and not just one big pile.) "Think of it as an early application process. So many slots on the Chuck Bass social calendar, it'll save me a ton of time." At least I think he said "slots." Eric remarks that this all seems a bit "impersonal," which Chuck takes as a compliment.

"Are those last season's Tory Burch flats?" asks Blair, and the girl looks down at her stupid shoes, shivering. "I... Got them on sale?" Blair's expression, while not moving in any way, somehow becomes totally terrifying. It is one of the greatest parts of this or any other episode. The little girl runs off crying, as Blair makes either one very eloquent face or several at once, because now that poor girl will never be able to sell her stupid shoes on consignment, being that they are chock full of urine.

S comes around a corner and sees Dan "studying" in the library, and is struck still for a moment before turning around and fleeing, talking to herself merrily all the way. "What is wrong with me? Agh!" Not since her mother's wedding has Serena's yellow-and-black resemblance to Charlie Brown been so clear. That was almost exactly four months ago.

Some generic-looking blonde girl with a thousand pink bows in her hair explains, as though it's not in her file, that her brother is a lacrosse player at Dalton. Needless to say Penelope, who gots the Black Snake Moan as usual, immediately must contain herself lest she start masturbating right there on the front steps. Blair invites boring blonde girl to lunch "at one sharp," and drops her folder on the totally tiny Projects pile. "Every year the Projects pile shrinks, while the Victims pile..." B can't even finish the sentence. Penelope and Isabel have a passably funny, but not Kati/Iz funny, exchange about how the voucher system is to blame, like the government doesn't even care about the Projects pile.

Chuck appears and hands over the folder he and Eric were discussing a moment ago: "Last minute transfer. I thought you should be up-to-date." Blair assures him "dates" are not her problem this year, because she and the Lord of Beaton are tighter than ever after the blackout. This whole scene is so weakly written that I don't even care about any of it except to note that she drops Chuck's folder on the "yes" pile without even looking at it, before running off to find S. I don't know if that means anything or if I just imagined it or what, but there you go.

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Gossip Girl




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