Okay so Blair's wearing the cape, the pilgrim funeral ribbon at her neck, and a bejeweled silver headband topping an entire countryside town we'll call Pleatsville. She looks like PTSD Queen Victoria wrapped in a William Carlos Williams poem about Nantucket. Meanwhile, Serena is perverting her school uniform thusly: a low-cut t-shirt that's about as thick as gas station tissue paper, a tiny white thin shell over that, the idea of a skirt from a dream that a skirt once had, a skinny black tie knotted betwixt and slightly below the nexus of her décolletage, and a long sheer scarf or something, with about fifteen necklaces of varying length; all of which combines to somehow suggest nudity, like, you keep looking for nipple the whole time. They both look totally hot, and completely insane.
"I just hid there! How pathetic is that? ...Don't answer that." Blair tells her the breakup is the easy part, it's "having to see them date someone else that's hard." She points out that this is the reason that she rubs the Lord in Chuck's face all the time, which Serena more correctly describes as "a twisted version of foreplay," and not even Blair's capability for self-deception is equal to the task of not giggling about that. "Ignoring you," she says. Man, I hope she doesn't break up with both Serena and Marcus at the same time, because she'll be like Little Red Riding Hood at that point, surrounded by Kryptonite with Chuck all coming at her with his dick out and magic sex lasers coming out of his eyes and those limp-wristed Nosferatu claws extended... What am I saying?! That's exactly what I want.
Dan name-drops Jay McInerney, having spotted his new novel among the things he's just jostled out of Amanda's arms, but leaves out the part where his dickless self earned said novelist's eternal disdain. "The point is, whoever dates first wins. And with your ex being Dan Humphrey, you win by default," says Blair, and S kinda laughs at that, as they come closer and closer to seeing this creepy little tableau. Gossip Girl starts licking her chops! "Looks like Humphrey defied our great expectations, and Waldorf's Rules Of Order. Daring to date before Serena?" S and B stare at each other; Blair gets a little nervous. "It's only a matter of time before it's off with his head... Or hers." Serena smiles ruefully, because she knows as well as we do that this won't end without all the aforementioned heads rolling, and probably a few more. Queens always know.