Diana Payne had many agendas, none of which made much sense but involve: Burt, Blair, Gossip Girl, Ivy-Chivy, Nate, Aunt Carol, stolen cell phones, the internet, print media, and possibly Jane. All of those people. Rufus got called out for his epic loserness in the halls of literature forevermore, and reacted by acting even more Rufussy than usual. Blair got to the part where Dylan and Clair had sex and then just kind of read that part over and over, and Jane Bettinger wants the movie rights. Chuck assured Serena "Everyone loves a villain," and she didn't understand what he meant because she's Serena and she was still on page twenty, just like Nate, because they both read at like a fifth grade level.* Plus this:
"Gossip Girl here, one of several sources in a swiftly crowding marketplace offering news on the lives of Manhattan's scandalous elite."
*(Actually a real plotpoint this week.)
My question is: What can Diana Payne actually offer that Gossip Girl isn't already covering? She's got them RFID tagged and offers live streaming video of them doing things like drinking coffee and exchanging pleasantries, what else could the nation want?
Blair: "I'm so looking forward to telling our parents about our bastard."
Louis: "[Something in French.]"
Jane: "Serena, have you finished that book yet?"
Serena: "That book that Louis read in two hours? Yes, after three weeks of this being my only job responsibility, I have finished it, and I am not happy."
Jane: "Remember, you're in trouble because of how we had no chance of making a film with Daniel Day-Lewis until you got us the interview, and then his manager turned us down because of a fictionalized account of your life, meaning we lost nothing because it was a zero sum."
Cyrus: "Princess Sophie!"
Sophie: "Cyrus! We like birds and smoked salmon. That's our relationship."
Cyrus: "How do you feel about Jewish stuff?"
Sophie: "I do like smoked salmon. Let's get our Yom Kippur on."
Beatrice: "I am still the worst, okay?"
Blair & Louis: "We are having a baby out of wedlock!"
Eleanor: "You're all of nineteen and not even halfway through college, so that's fine."
Princess Sophie: "Nobody in my principality is capable of doing math, so we're good."
Blair: "Against all reason, the family is overjoyed at my womanly embarrassment. Care to stay for Yom Kippur?"
Serena: "No, I have to stomp myself around town because of the contents of the only book I have ever actually read."
Blair: "It's a good thing we're both incredibly self-centered, or I would be concerned about the words you are saying out of your face."