Ivy: "Hey, Lily. Any hot goss? That's what we're calling gossip right now, or it's British."
Lily: "Well, this situation where Rufus is being bitchy to his son for no reason is..."
Ivy: "-- No, I meant do you have anything interesting to say."
Lily: "Oh! No, dear."
Ivy: "Yeah, I didn't think so. Have another chardonnay."
Lily: "Look, just don't break into that safe I'm indicating to you right now that people are constantly breaking into. It contains files on all of our family members, even the ones that don't exist anymore."
Ivy: "I sure won't. You betcha."
Lily: "It wasn't Nate that was conflated with Eric, it was Jenny. And that's you."
Dan: "Anyway, movie producers have many names. Here, I'll..."
(He drops their names everywhere.)
Dan: "Butterfingers! Sorry about that, TV."
Blair: "I have arrived at your place of business to talk about myself!"
Serena: "I am so glad to see you, so I can start talking about myself."
Blair: "I think I have stumbled into Rosemary's Baby and they are treating my body like I'm a brood mare for the heir. Turns out the princess dream is much like any other dream where a man comes in and saves you, which is to say that it sucks. My mind is fraying at the seams even more than usual. And I think they may pull a Not Without My Daughter and kidnap me to Belgravia."
Serena, verbatim: "That sounds horrible. But can you convince Dan to put his movie with our company?"
Jane: "Get that pregnant teenager out of here and stop acting like Serena!"
Blair: "Serena, quit your job. This woman is a bitch."
Serena: "Both of y'all chill. I have certain ideas about my identity."
ibid., verbatim, shooing her out: "My job is important to me, B. You have six months to deal with your problem. I have six minutes to deal with mine."
Blair: "Not knowing that S is freezing me out because of having deciphered from Dan's book that he is in love with me, I will just assume that I have no friends left. Belgravia, here I come."
Chuck: "Nate, your only skill is as a fucker of MILFs. Tell me how to bed a psychologist so that she will give me mental health."
Nate: "Why don't you ask your great new boyfriend Dan about that?"
Chuck, verbatim: "You speak Old Lady, what's my play?"
Nate: "Just pretend you give a shit about things she likes. Like if she was a Jewish convert who for some reason worked on Yom Kippur, you could stalk her to Temple or something. Or if she were a shady old-lady journalist with no apparent agenda or strategy, you could steal a phone or break the fast at a stranger's house or whatever."