Chuck: "Hey, chum. You seem glum. What's on your mind that is more important than my weird plan that makes no sense to sleep with this lady?"
Nate: "Cousin Charlie will do whatever it takes to succeed at this job, and I won't. Whatever the holy hell that means."
Chuck: "The irony. I wish that we were Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis, and then trade bodies for just one day, and then be in each other's bodies, and then you would be Jamie Lee Curtis in Lindsay Lohan's body having sex with some psychologist, and I would be Lindsay Lohan in Jamie Lee Curtis's body doing shady journalism."
Nate: "...I just got the weirdest boner."
Blair: "I'm having a barely recognizable spat with S over something I don't even know about, and have decided to leave New York City behind. Think of yourself as an aging ballet dancer, and me as Sarah Jessica Parker."
Louis: "I don't know about this. This seems like a dumb idea."
Sophie: "Hey, how are you guys doing?"
Blair: "I am resigning from America is how I'm doing! Call me a Belgravian national!"
Louis: "...So there's that, apparently."
Rufus & Lily: "[Super weird, super long, sort of half-mumbled, neurotic couple conversation about different kinds of Chinese food and let's get this kind and let's get that kind and whatever, like how parents are always so cute and weird and it kind of sounds like a person talking to himself, only there are two of them, doing it as a team. It's so romantic!]"
Ivy: "Rufus and Lily, get out of here and go to the Waldorf party."
Ivy, verbatim: "And maybe if you were to see a family in good working condition, it would remind you how important it is to fix yours."
Rufus: "You little shit, what a patronizing thing to say."
Lily: "Remember, she's mentally ill."