Payne: "Beatrice, you know how I run this tabloid website about famous people, and you're always going on and on about the honor of the Grimaldi family and all that? So clearly you would chat with me on the record about all kinds of shit, right?"
Beatrice: "Listen, what about that priest that I was fucking that totally vanished from this entire TV show. I just do what they tell me."
Payne: "So, spill all your embarrassing secrets into this microphone, won't you?"
Beatrice: "Yes, because it makes total sense that I would do that. You see, my personality-free brother has always been the favorite, but he never cared about his title or our family the way I do. I had hoped his marriage to Blair would mean permanent exile to New York."
Payne: "Sibling rivalry! Backstabbing! Familial manipulation! You really are a royal family, aren't you?"
Beatrice: "You are such a hack. This episode is so stupid."
THE GIRL THAT BLEW THE SHOFAR
Rufus: "Since apparently my self-esteem and entire reality depend on everybody babying me and not saying the truth about what a fucking failure I am as a man and father, I reserve the right to be rude to our hostess if she calls you Lily Bass."
Lily: "Since apparently my house arrest has made me batty as shit, go for it."
Eleanor: "Cyrus, isn't it time for you to blow the shofar?"
Cyrus: "Sophie just randomly produced these legal documents regarding the upbringing of our future grandchild. Blair's supposed to sign them before Sophie returns to Monaco tomorrow."
Eleanor: "Alas, just as I prophesied."
Blair: "Fuck it, give me a pen. There's nothing left for me here now. Now that Serena didn't go to lunch with me one time. It's all scorched earth now because of that."
Cyrus: "But like, any time you take your child out of Monaco for more than six hours, you have to inform Palace security. And you can't go to New York for more than 48 hours at a time. And if you break any of these rules, you face the possibility of losing custody of your child to the Royal Family."
Everybody: Gets their panties in a total wad about that even though the only weird one is the New York one.