Gossip Girl
The Fasting & The Furious

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Exploitation Of Neighbors

Payne: "Okay, everyone, now the real work begins. Get to your desks and start writing. I want a constant stream of content 24 hours a day. I want WHUPHs and Tweets, I want Pokes and Likes, I want a bunch of texts and SMS and mobile imaging, I want touchscreen capability and tons of apps, I want a thing where you can listen to your music from anywhere, I want scalability and HTML 5.0, I want cascading style sheets and rubies on rails, I want a thing on the side of the screen that has a menu and a thing on the other side of the screen where you have buddies, I want pop-up ads and opt-in opportunities and a pyramid scheme and user referrals and RSS and layouts and realtime things like that!"

Her Staff: Is just literally these two children who have dropped out of college, one of whom is an imposter of some other girl who dropped out of college, a girl wearing a backbrace, a couple of squirrels and Ruth Madoff emptying the garbage cans. Nobody knows what she means or what she's talking about or why they are there. The "website" is actually just some hologram Christmas wrapping they tacked to the wall for no real reason, and all they really know is that when she stares at it, you better go very still, because she's about to start issuing more incomprehensible demands about this shit.

WALDORF

Eleanor: "You know how they wrote up a legal contract that was insane for you to sign? I maybe have made an absurd joke about that, and put the idea in Beatrice's head."
Blair: "Since nobody is actually that stupid, I don't understand why you would feel bad about that or give it a second's thought."
Eleanor: "Now I will awkwardly segue into a short, sweet speech about what a great woman you are or something."
Blair: "Most people when they get knocked up at 19 don't really have everybody kissing their ass and following them from place to place showering them with rose petals and gifts. Not, particularly, on the Upper East Side."
Eleanor: "I am chock full of drugs right now. That may be a clue."

Rufus: "Eleanor's druggy chitchat has somehow made me want to forgive Dan for those imagined slights I've had my petticoats ruffled about all week."
Lily: "All it made me do was crave pills."

UPSTAIRS

Serena: "Blair, I'm sorry I didn't drop everything for your nineteenth nervous breakdown. I find your pregnancy annoying and inconvenient, but not as annoying and inconvenient as you showing up at my work for no reason. I should be a better friend. But, I hasten to add, in ways that are mutually beneficial."
Blair: "I get it. Sometimes my made-up hysteria about nothing doesn't really compare to your own self-esteem and desire to make your way in the world."
Serena: "No way, you got me all wrong. I am totally willing to sabotage myself in order to feel needed, it's why I surround myself with a-holes. No, I was just saying that I was so bitchily 'doing my job' and not 'indulging your nonsense' because I was so jealous that Dan is in love with you."

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Gossip Girl

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