Two Weeks: Louis pays Dr. Barnes to brainwash Chuck into assassinating Senator Jordan on behalf of the crypto-communists secretly led by Eleanor Waldorf. Dan puts all of his screenwriting skills to the test while wrangling the egos of Shia LaBoeuf and special guest star Paul Lynde. Diana Payne's secret agenda comes to fruition an Nate and Ivy are finally conflated into one single Upper East Ur-Skek that is half as boring as either of the separately, but also half as adorable. Rufus whines about some other shit, and Blair feeds her old minions one by one to a yak, in a desperate show of power meant to intimidate the Belgravian Army into a stalemate in the ongoing war between their sense of old-world propriety and her futuristic cyber-womb.
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife, Pretty Little Liars and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, most recently A Friday Night Lights Companion and Fringe Science.