Payne: "How do you feel about your daughter abandoning you for Monaco?"
Eleanor: "I live in France anyway, so this is all pointless to a kind of insulting degree."
Jane, out of fucking nowhere: "Dan's agent and Harvey are close to a deal. Maybe your good friend F. Scott Fitzjackass had you nailed in the book. If something doesn't fall right into your lap, Serena, you don't have a clue how to work for it."
Serena: "That was fairly uncalled-for, and yet I feel the need to cross moral boundaries in order to prove her wrong. Unlike usually, where I do that exact same thing in every episode."
Serena: "Dear Nikki Finke, here is an anonymous tip that I got the rights to this book."
Nikki Finke: "Dear Harvey Weinstein, please enjoy this anonymous and uncorroborated tip that somebody else has the rights to this book."
Harvey Weinstein: "Dear Alessandra, without checking or confirming any of this I am going to just do whatever Deadline Hollywood tells me to do. That's how I got to be where I am today, making sudden moves based on anonymous hints at the websites of cranks."
Alessandra: "Dan, that deal you made in good faith and then forgot to rescind is biting us in the ass! In really questionable ways, narratively."
Payne: "Beatrice, you know how I run this tabloid website about famous people, and you're always going on and on about the honor of the Grimaldi family and all that? So clearly you would chat with me on the record about all kinds of shit, right?"
Beatrice: "Listen, what about that priest that I was fucking that totally vanished from this entire TV show. I just do what they tell me."
Payne: "So, spill all your embarrassing secrets into this microphone, won't you?"
Beatrice: "Yes, because it makes total sense that I would do that. You see, my personality-free brother has always been the favorite, but he never cared about his title or our family the way I do. I had hoped his marriage to Blair would mean permanent exile to New York."
Payne: "Sibling rivalry! Backstabbing! Familial manipulation! You really are a royal family, aren't you?"
Beatrice: "You are such a hack. This episode is so stupid."
THE GIRL THAT BLEW THE SHOFAR
Rufus: "Since apparently my self-esteem and entire reality depend on everybody babying me and not saying the truth about what a fucking failure I am as a man and father, I reserve the right to be rude to our hostess if she calls you Lily Bass."
Lily: "Since apparently my house arrest has made me batty as shit, go for it."