Gossip Girl
The Fasting & The Furious

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Exploitation Of Neighbors

Eleanor: "Cyrus, isn't it time for you to blow the shofar?"
Cyrus: "Sophie just randomly produced these legal documents regarding the upbringing of our future grandchild. Blair's supposed to sign them before Sophie returns to Monaco tomorrow."
Eleanor: "Alas, just as I prophesied."
Blair: "Fuck it, give me a pen. There's nothing left for me here now. Now that Serena didn't go to lunch with me one time. It's all scorched earth now because of that."
Cyrus: "But like, any time you take your child out of Monaco for more than six hours, you have to inform Palace security. And you can't go to New York for more than 48 hours at a time. And if you break any of these rules, you face the possibility of losing custody of your child to the Royal Family."
Everybody: Gets their panties in a total wad about that even though the only weird one is the New York one.


Nate: "What going on in here?"
Ivy, verbatim: "I'm not off my meds, but I've kinda lost my mind."
Nate: "Safecracking? Seriously?"
Ivy: "Yeah, I have zero sense of perspective about any of this, so I just jumped straight to a felony."
Nate: "Ivy, that's terrible to abuse your family like that! I certainly can't be involved because of JFK Jr. Now, let me just see if I can give you the combination to the safe, which is the opposite of what I was just saying mere seconds ago."
Ivy: "What are you going to do?"
Nate: "I am going to call Chuck because he knows the combination to the safe."
Ivy: "Wow, you're a regular Dillinger."
Nate: "I don't know what that word is, but are you being mean?"


Jane: "You must be Dan Humphrey. I can tell because of the huffy judgmental face you're already making in the middle of my office."
Dan: "Where is Serena?"
Jane: "I'm such a fan of your scathing novel! I like to call it 'Gatsby for the social media age.' I am a lonely woman."
Dan: "Why did Nikki Finke tell Harvey Weinstein that you have the option?"
Jane: "False leaks are for amateurs! Just like in every scene, I am going to fume about Serena."
Dan: "Me too. We are starting a club."

Serena, jumping out from behind a door: "...Fuck both of you! I dropped the hint to Nikki Finke and I'd do it again. And why? Because you are both assholes. You have been unbelievably mean to me for no real reason, you lied to me, you made me apologize for no reason, and even now you're sitting there judging me. You think this was wild and unhinged behavior? I can send Nikki Finke unverified anonymous tips all day. Try me."

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Gossip Girl




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