Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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We Have Always Lived in the Palace

Finally one of the nerds notices Blair, who is after all hot as hell, and asks what she thinks about this timeless nerd debate.

"And now she could not bring herself to believe that the uneventful life she was leading was the happiness of which she had dreamed."

She assures them that they do not want to know what she's thinking, but enlivened by beer he assures her that he does, and then she gets a text message saying, "We're here!" and runs off without looking back. Speaking of delayed latency, Scott's all over Dan about how thank God he came to this party, and isn't Vanessa so whatever, and then Katie and V come up all giggly and yelly about how Scott told Vanessa to take the wrong Art In The World teacher because he's old -- "his lecture notes are literally turning yellow with age," says future writer Katie -- and when pressed for more details about his like decision algorithm Scott pulls out a knife and stabs all of them to death because he is not now nor has he ever been a student at NYU, because he's only pretending to have transferred here (in which case how would he... don't care) so he can wear Dan's skin over his own: "I'm at a party. I really don't feel like taking a test right now." Dan is weirded out, and Vanessa is not impressed, but the "epicness" is going to overshadow this behavior for the night, meaning one more red flag that could have stopped Scott's transformation into a god-man drenched in the blood of unbelievers will have gone unnoticed by the time this hurly-burly's done.

"Excuse me, everyone. Can you please stop with that noise? Hi, everyone," Blair says, reaching all the way back to early Season One for this one. Georgie literally goes, "What the hell," in a voice so appalled and dripping with sarcasm I honestly thought it was Vanessa saying it until the third viewing. Dan shrugs, and B's off. "Well, most of you don't know me. My name is Blair Waldorf. But a lot of you know my roommate, who threw this amazing party, Georgina." There is much cheering, and she grits out a painful, "Yeah I know, Georgina rocks, right?" Pause. "I mean, it's funny, because I never knew that a Jesus freak could throw such a good party!"

Georgina's eyes get sad. I've always liked her. Vanessa and Dan are not impressed with B right now either. "But I guess I was wrong. So everyone, raise a glass -- or a... plastic cup of foam -- to the coolest Christian I know: Georgina Sparks!" Which is hilarious, both because of how honest it is and how we don't talk about that, but also because the show went there. I don't know that it would have worked -- on sophomores, yes, but freshmen are often weird about the god stuff -- except right then is when the entire OMJC cult camp comes crowding onto the roof ("What do you know, what do you know/ What do you know about Jesus? What do you know, what do you know/ What do you know about the lord? What do you know, what do you know about Jesus? And his love?") and scaring the shit out of everybody with pamphlets.

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Gossip Girl

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