Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
We Have Always Lived in the Palace

Take Vanessa and Scott, for example, who are munching on each other's faces when Dan arrives with his little coffee and eyeballs all a-staring. They bumble about and then Dan's like, "Cool, you two are dating," and Vanessa turns that into some kind of Vanessa bullshit about how Dan should have called her after she acted like a total lunatic asshole, and Dan is not impressed with her 0-60, which is gaining at a rate, but then B gets out of a car Vanessa calls a limo, per usual, and she "notices" them when she's like six inches away, acts grossed out, crosses them out of her gameplan and informs them that they don't actually know each other here, and Dan looks at asshole Vanessa and her creepy incest boyfriend Scott and says that'll do just fine.

Of course, Scott stares after Dan like the kind of man who wants to make a suit out of another man's skin. Adler. Hmm. Besides the psychoanalytic pioneer and Mystique's psychic elderly lesbian girlfriend in the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, the only Adler I can think of is the other Irene Adler, the one from Sherlock Holmes. The perfect adversary? It's not lining up right yet. He's Serena and Dan's evil brother, and he looks mutated, but that's all I got at this juncture. Well, and dating Vanessa is pretty much like going lesbian.

Anyway. Purple shirt and purple tie and a guarded welcome to Serena, who has just shown up at Chuck's door, he presumes for some "study aid" for her studies at Brown. No, she says, and trounces into his apartment with all the giant purses the world has produced, piled onto a Palace luggage cart that pulls into view after the window in which he could conceivably say no. And oh, he is not loving this, and oh, he will not stop fucking with that damned tie.

Blair's got seven tragic girls lined up already in her dorm room, which is roughly the size of a $2000/mo. loft. Half of it is blank and white, the other half has been designed outwith reach. You got carpeting, serious wallpaper, puddle drapes, the whole nine. It looks like SMG's about to show up and do a bump from her crucifix. That one picture of Audrey -- looking right, in the Halston hat with the big old bun underneath it so she looks like Alien -- is hung perfectly on the wall. Which is, as usual, our strongest reminder so far of Blair's ongoing problem with reality/pissing match with God:

"She loved the sea for its storms alone, cared for vegetation only when it grew here and there among ruins. She had to extract a kind of personal advantage from things and she rejected as useless everything that promised no immediate gratification -- for her temperament was more sentimental than artistic, and what she was looking for was emotions, not scenery."

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Gossip Girl




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