Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
We Have Always Lived in the Palace

Serena's already pissed by the time we rejoin Chuck's lecture, already in progress, about how grownups act and how he obviously wasn't going to tell the guy about Victrola 2.0 and the coat-check girls giving happy endings. Serena disagrees, huffing that it was an honest mistake, because the guy was all trying to talk to her about Chuck's amazing plans, and but then Chuck makes a way worse mistake: "Look, why do you think I asked you to go out tonight? Because I knew something like this would happen." And I mean, the list of shit you don't want to say to Serena is pretty short, but it is emphatic. She assures him she'll be finding someplace to stay, then, and he grunts under his breath, "Trainwreck" as she's leaving.

It hurts. "She repented her virtue of days past as though it had been a crime; and what virtue she had left now crumbled under the furious assault of her pride." Just like every time this happens, yes, but this time she really does feel completely adrift and out of control, by her own design, so it's like twice as scary.

Blair appears just as the people filling her room are clapping over the end credits of Vanessa's stupid movie, and Georgie's all over it. "Oh, hey Blair! Oh my God, we just finished watching Vanessa's documentary about this community garden in her neighborhood? It was amazing! Yes it was! I mean, Vanessa! Tears. Actual tears. When that gang member picked up his first carrot..." Heh. This shit is Kryptonite, of course, so Blair tut-tuts the whole room and informs them that the cocktail party is in full empty swing nearby. "Saketinis, and... Is that my invitation being used as a coaster?" The nerve.

Georgina thanks her roomie, but they just "scarfed like four pizzas," and the next thing is Vanessa's bootleg Michel Gondry videos, which is just perfect, and Blair assures them all they have no need for greasy pizza and Vanessa's home movies when there's a sushi and sake party right in the other room. It is at this point that she begins to shout. "Did I mention? Wasabi facials!" They all kind of stare around and wonder if she's always like this. They have no idea. One of the girls tells Georgie to shut the door and she does, gleefully, right in Blair's face. "Spotted: Blair Waldorf, going from VIP to VD. Poor Blair. How are you going to cure this one?"

Dan wakes up Serena -- in Jenny's DUMBO room -- on his way out, having made her three toaster waffles. That's just so sweet. "Harboring an Ivy League fugitive? I'm your man." He reminds her that they have no servants, so if she sees anybody but him, call the police. (Oh, and Vanessa. How quickly we forget. Or maybe not, maybe it's implied S should call the cops even then. If Vanessa's ass ever climbed in my window I'd punch her in the neck.) He mentions his "literary group" proudly, ever so proudly, and Serena again acts jealous and admiring about how sad his life is going at NYU. He returns the favor by telling her to talk to Rufus about Brown, because at some point his fatherhood gene might kick in. "He might ramble a lot, he might nervously strum his guitar, but uh... When it comes to fatherly advice? I don't know, he's pretty much the best there is." She thinks about that, and it's not untrue, and I was sort of hoping for this all last week. Then she grinds on those waffles like the homeless she is.

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Gossip Girl




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