PRIVATE INVESTIGATIONS

Chuck: "Andrew Tyler, the only private investigator in the entire state of New York, once again I must call on you for help."
Tyler: "Oh my God, what now? You kids have so much drama all the time."
Chuck: "You know how everybody was always trying to kill my dad? There's another one that was also doing that."
Tyler: "Seriously? This again?"
Chuck: "Just do what I tell you."
Tyler: "No, it's too stupid. This is too stupid to waste my time on it. Me, the only private investigator in North America. Or alternately, I am lying and working for somebody else."
Chuck: "If you won't help me, I'll find someone else who can."
Tyler: "I'm guessing Blair Waldorf. Since I am the only private investigator that has ever existed in the entire Milky Way galaxy."

WALDORF/BASS

Dan: "Hey, Serena. Nice to see you wearing your version of clothes again. Listen, is Blair here? I want to tell her some news."
Serena: "No, she's shopping without me. I was just going to microwave some nachos and stare at Tumblr for seventeen hours straight if you wanna..."
Dan: "No, I don't like your company very much either."

Blair: "Oh man, Chuck. I can't hang out today, because Dan Humphrey is a tampon, but how are you doing?"
Chuck: "[Bart stuff, while looking gorgeous.]"
Blair: "Oh, snap. Let's go talk about it."

Serena: "Blair, what's up? I haven't talked to you in like five minutes, and Dan is here."
Blair: "Ugh, that guy. Listen, I'm with Chuck..."
Serena: "The fuck? You get back here. You are going to ruin this relationship."
Blair: "I know, but it's important. I have to do secret things with Chuck right now."
Serena: "No. Come home."
Blair: "Fine, you're right."