WALDORF

Blair: (Acting insane about the interviewer for the Rome program, but in a recognizably Blair way. Abusing Dorota, screaming about bone china, the usual.)
Dan: "See, I think it's just a formality to make sure neither of us are crazy?"
Blair, acting crazy: "And?"
Dan: "And you're acting crazy? Salman Rushdie broke up with Padma Lakshmi over there one year, it got pretty bad."
Blair: "I bet one thing they didn't do is use the term 'dating fatwa' at any point."

She's distracted by a 911 text from Serena about the many ways in which things at the Empire have gotten untenable, so she runs out of there with some obvious lies -- about how she needs to get gelato because of how it's Rome -- and one very important truth: Nobody likes pistachios. If you say you do, you're lying and you need to come clean. You're only as sick as your secrets.

EMPIRE

Serena: "So like, he didn't even tell Lily, obviously."
Chuck: "She was in the process of divorcing him anyway. Listen, this is all about how Lola is a meddling mean little urchin who has cost me my father."
Nate: "Hey, ease up! That is a completely accurate characterization of recent events!"
Chuck: "I just wish I knew some prostitutes, so I could still trap him. But I guess in the episode I don't."

Blair, appearing out of thin air: "Yes you do! Lola! We'll just tell her it's an acting job. Meanwhile, Nate, you go do the most complicated part of my plan, which is to convince Diana not to cancel that guy's ho appointment yet. Somehow."

Over at Spectator Of The Other Woman: A Pop Culture Blogazine, Nate overhears Diana planning on leaving town with Bart, and texts Chuck, who tells him to stall her. But, the question remains, how? What shiny thing can he dangle before the old cougar's eyes this time? Which of the sundry tools in his toolbox will he use? What on earth will he be whipping out of his repertoire?